friendship..who should make the next move?

[AlderTree]

If any? I have a friend of a few years who I haven't seen for ages. We have been good friends to each other in the past but our lives are moving apart. Our last contact was her texting to say she couldn't make DC's birthday party. I can't remember if I texted back to acknowledge (not sure If I should have or not - never am with texts)

So my question is should it be her who tries to organise something which I accept and work to fit in with her plans or decline because the friendship is fading and I am not sure where it is going or what either of us is getting out of it. So obviously it will eventually fizzle out.

If you want to resume contact, why not send a text saying you hope she is well and does she fancy meeting for a coffee and wait the response... perhaps she is waiting to hear from you!

I agree

Simple question to yourself - what do YOU want?

If you're not bothered about her, leave it.

These things happen as our lives take different paths. It's sad but parents lead busy lives and keeping up with everyone isn't possible.

That said, is she on Facebook? I find tis is a great way to avoid these sorts of sticky issues and at least keep open the channels of communication with minimum awkwardness.

There was a woman in my antenatal group 4 years ago who already had an older daughter. She was such good company (and very funny) and I was glad we all kept in touch and used to meet up for dinner.

Eventually she declined our invitations. I understand she already had a busy life before she met us - no big deal - but it was really awkward whan she was sitting outside a pub on the table next to us one summer. The last itme I'd heard from her she was supposed to have been meeting us and she'd stood us up.

I think neither of us knew how to handle it when we saw each other. I cringe now thinking about it. If there had been Facebook, it could have been avoided!

kd73 I have thought that myself but then been puzzled by the answer to mogwai's question - what do I want?

Truth is I'm not sure, so I guess the breathing space is useful. There are some physical distance issues and dh is usually concerend that I always end up running around to suit her.

Part of the issue is a time one that also applies to many people I know. We intend to make arrangements. It doesn't happen. Then you find a year or more has gone by and there is a lot to catch up on in the supermarket! I take your point that this would be horrendously embarrassing if the person was a good friend. But I've never facebooked and it sounds scary.

How do other people judge when a friendship has run its course - given there has been no error on either side to wreck it?