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Original poster

DH wants to go to a wedding abroad when I'm 35weeks preg and have a toddler

19 replies

sleeplessinthecity · 01/04/2009 11:12

Am I being silly by saying that I'd rather he stay with me and our DD? I never say that he shouldn't go to anything but this time I feel he should stay at home instead of going away for even the 40 hours. No flights back in case of emergency. I'm really disappointed that he is even thinking of leaving us. Am i being unreasonable? Part of me knows that I'm sorry not to be going either - oh and its also on my Birthday. Please tell me if I'm being hormonal..thanks

OP posts:

belgo · 01/04/2009 11:13

Don't blame you. I wouldn't want my dh leaving in these circumstances either.

Mamulik · 01/04/2009 11:15

so let him go and you can also have good time - invite few friends and celebrate your birthday!

Ispy · 01/04/2009 11:16

Not being hormonal. Would feel exactly the same.

madwomanintheattic · 01/04/2009 11:16

is it a close friend or relative? if so i think y(maybe)abu... sorry. dh has to work away a lot and we were pretty sure he'd miss dd1. he was around for ds1 but he had to jet off when i was 39 weeks with dd2... in the end he made it back in time for them all, but it was just a case of gritting teeth and crossing legs lol. have you got a back-up plan in case anything happens whilst he's away?

if it's not a good friend or rellie, then i'd say a bit of a strop was in order though

FannyWaglour · 01/04/2009 11:16

Why should he not go?

jeee · 01/04/2009 11:17

But does depend on whose wedding it is. If a sibling I'd say it would be important for him to go. If for some long lost friend who he hasn't spoken to for 20 years, then I think that it's a bit unreasonable of him to go.

IheartNY · 01/04/2009 11:21

Its not 'just' that he might miss the birth though is it?
Its the fact that sleepless will be at home with no help when she is at her most uncomfortable and tired with a toddler, worrying about the possiblity of labouring alone and childcare for toddler while her husband is off enjoying himself.
All that and its her birthday!

God no, he's an idiot for even considering it. He should be planning to give you a nice relaxing restful birthday before all the mayhem of new baby and visitors all starts!

I very very rarely say no to dh doing something, so when i do say no he listens and realises straight away that he's in the wrong. hopefully its the same with you guys!

belgo · 01/04/2009 11:21

Working away is completely different to going on a holiday. A holiday is optional.

The thing is, when people become parents, they need to understand that they cannot behave the same way as they always have done. At 35 weeks it is possible that his wife could go into labour, or have another complication, in which case, she would need him, and so would the older child.

My dh goes on holiday skiing every year without us, but not when I am heavily pregnant.

IheartNY · 01/04/2009 11:26

and ha ha to 'oh just send him off, throw yourself a birthday party and have lots of fun' etc etc
at 35 weeks pg all i could do was make it to toddlers bedtime before falling asleep myself with house in a tip and barely anything achieved all day!

NotPlayingAnyMore · 01/04/2009 11:46

If a relative was seriously ill or had died, he should go, but as it's not a necessary journey, not to mention that it's your birthday, he should stay with you.

Original poster

sleeplessinthecity · 01/04/2009 12:00

If It was work I would be more understanding, but it's a friend's wedding in sunny Spain. I'd love to let him go celebrate with my mates but have just moved to a new country so don't have any yet (sob). It's not the case of me going into labour, I just don't want to be alone whilst he's living it large..Thanks for all your input folks. Very helpful indeed. I feel a lot better.

OP posts:

bumpybecky · 01/04/2009 13:58

yanbu saying you'd rather he stays at home

have you suggested that he takes your dd with him? that way you might get a lovely weekend to sleep and pamper yourself without having to deal with anyone else

mayorquimby · 01/04/2009 14:15

"I just don't want to be alone whilst he's living it large"
i think that's your answer there. yanbu to feel disappointed that you can't go, but would you really want to stop him going?

BitOfFunnyBunny · 01/04/2009 14:46

Mayorquimby - I think that it's completely reasonable for sleepless to state her objection on these grounds. They are having a baby together, and given that one half of the couple gets to miss the joys of sore breasts,constant nausea and an aching pelvis WITHOUT the usual compensation of being able to relax with a glass of wine,I think the least the man can do is show a bit of solidarity and lay off the jollies.

And it's his wife's birthday FGS!

warthog · 01/04/2009 19:18

i wouldn't be happy. i remember all too well what it was like being 35 weeks pg with a toddler. bloody knackering.

and in a new country with no friends! and no way of him getting back! and it's her birthday! sheeeeesh

is there no way you can go too? more people around to please the toddler, you get help with your dp around AND hopefully get to have some fun.

peanuthead · 01/04/2009 20:23

yanbu
My dh went to his cousins wedding in Italy when I was 35 weeks pregnant. I didn't have a toddler but I did have to move flat on my own as it was the only day we could complete. I'm still really angry about it and date the start of all our relationship problems to then. He's not even that close to his cousin - he hasn't been in touch with her since and it was 18 months ago. ANd it was MIL who made a fuss about him going. But that's a whole different thread....

Now I'm interested to know if I'M BU in still feeling let down by him!

dizietsma · 01/04/2009 21:31

I remember feeling really vulerable at the later stages of pregnancy. I always felt better when DH was around.

If he had buggered off to a wedding whilst I was in the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy I'd probably have felt really anxious whilst he was away, worried that I'd go into labour at any second and be left to cope all on my own. Left alone with a toddler all that worry would quadruple. On top of that I'd be alone on my birthday.

Yeah I'd hate that. OP, YANBU at all.

Original poster

sleeplessinthecity · 02/04/2009 16:36

Thanks folks..we had a big discussion over the phone as he is away for work and although he disagrees with making a decision now for something that will happen in the future. However he will respect my wishes. So basically as long as he doesn't mope around on the said weekend we'll be fine! Pregnancy is such a huge thing for us ladies and i don't think the men folk really appreciate it..wish there was some sort of simulator. At the mo am throwing up 4-5 times a day, feeling queezy all day and a toddler to look after. Poor thing is getting very little of healthy mummy. Here's to all of you for making me feel a lot better. Thanks ladies.
Peanuthead yanbu..I have a knack of never forgetting. So this time I want to make sure I say something instead of it eating me up all the time.

OP posts:

peanuthead · 03/04/2009 22:11

oh hooray for Mr sleepless! And poor you - 4-5 times a day. Yuck.

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