Am I being stupid??? (long and confusing!!)

[PersonalClown]

Some of the basics....
I met a guy through FB in July of last year, at first nothing special, just a mutual appreciation of the same bands. We started talking more and more, found him so easy to talk to, made me laugh etc.
Things got quite intense, talking every day, MSN, Fb, Skype, text, you name it.
August he tells me that I am just the type of girl he likes. Wahey you may think except he lives in South Africa!!
Anyhoo...Things carry on very well till October, he says he's making plans to move to England (This was planned before he even 'met' me apparently) then he starts drifting from me. Evasive, never reachable etc. Then I see a message from some girl saying how much she loved him etc (you know the type!) and he disappears from my life. No Fb, msn, skype, doesn't answer my calls.

Ho hum. My heart breaks as I truely believe that I loved him but I pick myself up and dust myself off beating myself up for believing any of it to be true.
And I move on... or so I thought.
I start dating someone new in December, taking it slow and easy as all that had rattled me a bit and things were fine.....Till one day at the end of January when the South african(SA) sends me a message on FB saying how he wants to apologize for everything blah blah blah.

Being me, I allow him that opportunity, for he shattered my self confidence leaving and I hoped this would maybe restore some of that knowing it wasn't me that made him leave.
And things are good. Except I realise that I never got over him, I pushed everything I felt into a box and locked it and him coming back has opened it right up again.
This causes major problems with the man I am seeing so I end it. I realise that I can't be with anyone till I'm either with the SA or truely get over him. It isn't fair to anyone otherwise.

Here is my question.. (took me long enough!)
I honestly believe that the SA is almost perfect for me. I have been told everything that happened in those missing months by a few sources. Some I haven't even spoken to before and have had no reason to.
But most of my friends think I am stupid for even considering wanting him.
I am VERY aware that everything may be lies and that he may hurt me again. But surely that is my choice to make?
I have already told him that he has to prove himself worthy of me (very hard for me to say as I don't think anything of myself), that he won't be moving in with me for quite a while and that IF he comes here, the realtionship would be starting from scratch.
I am under no illusions that all of it could be bullshit. I am not that stupid or naive to believe everything and he knows it. But surely a little faith can't hurt a bit.

Am I being stupid for even considering it/him? Are my friends right that he WILL only hurt me again?
If you've managed this... blimey you are good!

You say he's "almost perfect" for you. So your idea of almost perfect is a guy who disappears without even the decency to say goodbye, leaves you devastated, and then rocks up again when he feels like it?

You are right about one thing, you don't seem to think much of yourself.

I think you deserve better.

He could be:
mad
ugly
a serial killer
married
running away from the inland revenue
leader of a murderous SA faction
nice and the leader of a knitting SA faction
ok
average
alright with major flaws
a tosser
mad
ugly
a serial killer.....etc
ie,
just like anyother stranger you met in a bar down your local pub and chatted to a bit, or any other man you dont immediately know anything about.

So. As long as you know the risks, the sensible steps to take with such a stranger and have enough nouse to run if necessary, there's no reason why you shouldn't consider the bloke.
....
but only so long as you know what NOT to fall for, have read everything about Red Flags, are not a sap for a sob story and have no intention of putting him on your mortgage/renatal agreement/ice-cream account
within the next 2 years.

good luck! SA is beautiful but so is The Rock Inn at Georgeham.... And easier to get a cab home if the shit flies.

Ok - I've met quite a few people over the internet that I went to meet IRL (I played an internet game that had regular meet ups).

I even started chatting to one bloke, who I had a huge crush on. He acted like the perfect bloke for me, and things progress. I was tempted to leave my then BF for him and he was planning to leave his wife.

Then a friend pointed out exactly what I was prepared to give up for someone whom had never met. I stopped things there and then.

We still met at the next meet, and you kow what. He was nothing like the man he pretended to be on the net / phone. There was no physical chemistry and I was never so glad to have made teh decisoin before being faced with teh total disappointment of meeting him

I'm all for people meeting over the net, its a great way of meeting people and finding potential partners, but you can't think you are in love with someone until you meet them. It is way to easy to be someone else personality wise

You didnt "meet a guy" so you cannot know that he is "almost perfect for you".

He has already proved himself to be flaky.

I think your friends are right. Sorry.

I have met some fabulous people over the Internet and indeed newspaper personal ads (well, a very specific and particular set of newspaper personal ads - any other ex-Looters on here?). So just because you first encounter someone in a remote fashion (ie not by meeting them in a social setting) doesn't necessarily mean they are a predator or a loser.
However, I have just re-read the thread and noticed the mention of gambling having caused him problems.
Run.
Away.
NOW.

Don't start a relationship with an addict under any circumstances; a gambler who has had problems is an addict and will drag you down. If this was someone you were dating who owned up to having had problems and was (for instance) in a recovery programme and hadn't gambled for months then OK to proceed with caution, I suppose, but you'd need to keep a lot of distance for a long time (no lending money or allowing him in your house).