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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Friendships, I want friends but, can't figure out how to be part of a group

19 replies

Starbear · 30/03/2009 15:53

I'm feeling sorry for myself this week. A friend phoned to find out which school my Ds got into. I said I would chat after the kids had gone to bed but she said she would be out with some Mummy friends. Then I went to Gymnastic and another friend discussed going out with the mums from our nursery. I'm really feeling left out now. I know it's partly my fault as I'm not keen on going out to a restaurants or pubs. I'm really their day time play date friend. I love walking and showing people my city.
I'm never consistent at doing the same things every week so I don't get into those playdate coffee cliques. Everyone seems to like me just....I miss my single days of going salsa dancing and the latest thing in the Evening Standard. Give me tips to suggest accept evening pastimes for Mummys without food and drink?

OP posts:

Original poster

Starbear · 30/03/2009 15:55

I mean 'acceptable' evening pastimes

OP posts:

newpup · 30/03/2009 16:40

Aerobics class or swimming. Some mothers at Dds school meet up once a fortnight for a swim at the ladies only session.

What about a book club? I love my book club we meet every 6 weeks.

compo · 30/03/2009 16:41

what about going to the cinema? do you like doing that?

MaryBS · 30/03/2009 16:43

Why not Salsa dancing?

bubblagirl · 30/03/2009 16:54

maybe go on a night that they suggest you could surprise yourself and really enjoy it and maybe ask some others if they fancy doing something you suggest

sharing each others interests is great as you do things you wouldn't normally do and do actually enjoy it and vise versa for them

if not do a meet up thread for your area for any like minded mum with all your hobbies and interests and may find someone who shares your exact interests but i would still say try to join in if you can if you dont like it you dont have to go again if you do enjoy it then great

Original poster

Starbear · 30/03/2009 22:34

I'm going to have to get out of my comfort zone and make some phone calls. Strangely for a woman, I don't chat a lot on the phone. Not really keen on gossip as I'm always the one caught out, so at times may appear aloof. I didn't know half the names of the mums my friend was talking about at nursery. Now thinking about it, I only just started picking him up one day a week my mum and DH do the rest. I know her from my past life.
Salsa seems a bit strange now as my DH never went and wouldn't want to go.
Ceroc might be okay for the girls, less latin hips and temptation.
Thanks for the tips. I think I just need to make a little more effort and stop moping like a teenager.

OP posts:

MaryBS · 31/03/2009 08:03

How about quizzes?

I sympathise a lot with your situation, as I feel like that a lot of the time myself! Do you find you get on better with an older generation than yourself?

Original poster

Starbear · 31/03/2009 19:37

Sorry MaryBS, I am the older generation!
I'm 47 years and the other mums range from 30-35yrs. I'm just a fidget. Anyway a friend invited me with a crowd to the pictures so I should stop moaning. I'm just not in Yummy mummy set. But to tell the truth I must try harder and chat more.
I'm going to try the following Ceroc at Fulham or local. Turkish resturant with belly dancing. Walking either to Leith Hill or Petersham during the day.
Cycling if anyone is up to going as slow as me.

OP posts:

screamingabdab · 31/03/2009 21:29

Starbear I really sympathise. I am not all that keen on going out in groups in the evenings, but then I feel a bit left out ......
I go to a tap class (as detailed in an AIBU thread!) which I love. I used to go to a book group as well, which I enjoyed, but then it got too big, and people stopped talking about the book .

Do you have a DH/partner? One thing I've enjoyed is actually going out to a restaurant with one of my better friends and her husband.

It may get a bit easier once DS is at school - some of my best friends now are mums from school.

Finally - have you thought about doing voluntary work? There's a huge variety of things to do, at times to suit you. There's a good volunteering website called something like Do-it (google it)

screamingabdab · 31/03/2009 21:32

Found it! It's do-it.org.uk

Original poster

Starbear · 31/03/2009 22:18

screamingabdab Thank you. yes, I'm going to volunteer to run Beavers soon as I'm DofE expedition trained thanks to Wandsworth council. Hill walking is more my cup of tea but over the years I've only made one close friend who likes it too! Not as easy to fit in with very young children but that's about to change.

OP posts:

MaryBS · 01/04/2009 04:31

I actually meant, people in their 60s, I'm only a few years of 47 myself!

MaryBS · 01/04/2009 04:31

*off!

Mamulik · 01/04/2009 11:20

library is great place to be and you dont need people around you, you can borrow few DVDs and books

Original poster

Starbear · 01/04/2009 22:02

Question to everyone. Since you've had children have you been able to hang on to your interests and hobbies?

OP posts:

MaryBS · 02/04/2009 03:19

Not really, no, but I HAVE developed new interests and hobbies

Original poster

Starbear · 02/04/2009 08:23

What are those new hobbies, MaryBS?

OP posts:

MaryBS · 02/04/2009 08:31

Well, I realise it wouldn't be everybody's cup of tea, but I joined the local church and became involved with that, to the extent I am now training as a minister!!! But I have to admit, I've really enjoyed studying again, and learning new stuff, although it was hard getting to use my brain again after having children.

So, maybe take an evening class or two, is there anything you have always fancied trying?

PlumpChocEggyBaps · 02/04/2009 08:51

I've held on to mine (I do karate). But then I was lucky- when I met my DH, I already did it,so that's he's always known. He's quite happy to look after the dss while I train and I look after them while he plays golf. I trained right up until I was 36 weeks pg and was back 2 weeks after the birth. (Ds2 was 2 weeks early as well!)

It is nice to have a group to go to. One woman has become quite a close friend. I think some kind of exercise class is good- perhaps not competitive aerobics (!)- as the barriers are more quickly broken down when you're sweaty and exhausted.

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