New job/moving - exDP wants to meet - really confused....

[runforyourlife]

Split up with exDP about 18mths ago - his decision - very painful and only just recovering.

Relationship was only a year but very intense and there were a load of family/friend/job/life difficulties that put considerable strain on both of us.

When we split I made it clear that it was not what I wanted but I accepted his decision and I've tried to maintain that position consistently. We live close to each other, bump into each other and have spoken from time to time.

Decided to go back to work full time this year and have been offered a great job and am moving next week. It's not that far away but feels like a new start etc. Told exDP and for the first time since we split he wants to meet.

Feel really confused, he's not been at all communicative since we split, I've come to accept that that would always be the case and decided to move on...

Obviously, really scared to go anywhere near him as it's been so hard to go forwards even this far but don't want my fear to stop me from seeing someone who was so important to me....

Any advice/similar stories would be greatly appreciated as feel a bit overwhelmed....

This may not be what you want to hear, but I think he is saying this to stop you moving on?

I found the same with my xh, as soon as I did ANYTHING to get him out of my head and move forwards, he wanted to meet up and 'talk' about things....

Can you just not go and meet him, or do you still want him back? IMO unless you REALLY want to get back with him and are 100% sure he does too, I would avoid him - you have already admitted it has taken 18mo to get to where you are now.

Of course, he might just want to meet as friends, and have nothing to say to stop you moving on, but I personally wouldnt go unless I was sure one way or the other...

I would meet him in a coffee bar, ask him why he wanted to meet, and then make it clear that you are moving and that is your choice. Just as he made his. If he makes noises about wanting you back or to see you again, make it clear it is on your terms. I have always regretted not giving someone another chance. Don't be where I am in years down the road.

It is okay to follow your heart sometimes - just as long as you don't completely loose your head on the way.

Thanks for replies and for sharing your experiences.
I think I'm finding it so difficult because, up until quite recently, I'd felt that we'd split up because circumstances weren't really in our favour.....
Obviously, recently, I've started to doubt that, hence the decision to 'move on'....
Anyway, as it turns out, I can't meet up when he's suggested....perhaps that will solve it for me or at least it will help identify a motive.
Still feel so unsettled though!!

I'd suspect there will be drama and avoid meeting him. He wasn't interested in communicating until you told him you were moving away/moving on with your life. I think if you do meet him, he'll say/do something that will keep you hanging on. Men can be drama queens too.

As for second chances...did that with a guy who broke up with me. A year after we got back together, he left me again in a quite spectacular fashion (I was in hospital).

Spare yourself the pain. Tell him you don't really have time for this.

sarah 76 - that's horrible, almost comical if it wasn't so cruel....really glad that you've survived to tell your tale to me as it's given me more food for thought....
Feeling a bit better for talking about it and any other views would be greatfully received!

With reference to my previous post, I gave a subsequent boyfriend a second chance as I didn't want another what if? That was the right decision as I knew PDQ I no longer loved him. The first one mind, has been a nightmare situation.

Men can smell when you're over them.

I'd be very reluctant to meet. No, that's not true, I'd be dying to meet up, but then I'd probably melt like an ice cube at the first sign of interest, ditch my new job and spend the next 20 years unemployed, at home, waiting for him to ring me again, thus making the rest of my life worthless and tragically lonely.

So, er, on balance I think you shouldn't go. He had his chance, and 18 months to realise how lovely you are. If he's that keen he can pursue you now while you get on with your lovely new life.

please dont meet up with him, he only wants to control you again

"I don't want her but I want her to want me"

Move on. imo, he'll dangle something in front of you cos he thinks it's nice to know he has a Plan B around.

I don't say that to be mean to you, but I think it would be awful to meet up, have him tell you he thinks about you blah blah blah and have you change your plans out of hope.

If he wanted to be with you - he'd be with you already.

Hi - thanks for all your advice.

I really don't think he was trying to control me - he's a very decent man - infact, I think all he intended to do was to wish me 'good luck' etc. That's what he's now done (by text) because I couldn't meet up when he suggested - he's now gone off on a work trip......I'm moving over the next week.

Rest assured I'm not going to be changing any plans - worked really, really hard to get this far......besides I'm old, responsible and risk adverse now!

I think I've been a bit overwhelmed by all the things that are going on at the same time but feeling a bit better now so thanks for helping!

Yup, he;s one of those who doesn't want you back but who gets a stiffy at the idea of you hanging around sobbing to yourself in the hope that one day he might change his mind. So if you met him he would look dopily into your eyes and witter on about your deep connection (possibly in a past life or some other such shit) and how he lurrrves you but he's going to have to let you go - basically he would hint and hint and promise you nothing, purely to spoil your joy in moving.