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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If it comes to the crunch - i haven't a clue how to leave

7 replies

LEMAGAIN · 29/03/2009 20:48

I don't want to go into the history - but things are bad between me and DP right now. We have been together for 17 years. I still love him dearly, he is my soul mate and a DECENT man. BUT the way things are, its just destroying me, and him .

Thing is, he isn't abusive, he's not been unfaithful, to be honest, its me. I have no money, and when i say i have NO money, i have none - nothing - no income and a 3 year old DD. I would have to be the one to leave, today he told me to go to the council on monday and get rehomed. There is no way i could afford the mortgage - we may be losing the house anyway. But, he isn't abusive or bad to me in any way - will the council just laugh in my face?? I don't want to end up in a hostel, that would be ridiculous - im not in any danger here. But right now, i'm not sure if it is just the fact that it is impossible to leave that is keeping me here. Yes, i still love him, I always will but the pressures of everything its just too much. Its too much for him too - I think he would be better off tbh. We are at each others throats and the hurtful comments are destroying me. I can't keep hurting him and he is hurting me too and i can't stand much more.

So what do i do, if i just can't stand anymore? How do i go on? I don't have family i could go to.

OP posts:
LEMAGAIN · 29/03/2009 21:30

bump

OP posts:
knockedgymnast · 29/03/2009 21:33

Hi ya. Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I think your first port of call would be to ring up the Council and see what they say. You should also put yourself on the Council list. And no, they won't laugh in your face.

Are you sure that perhaps you don't just need some time apart. I hope I'm not sounding patronising? I know there are charities like Women's Aid as well, who would be able to offer some advice. CAB seems like a good option too.

Hope things turn out for the best

knockedgymnast · 29/03/2009 21:34

bump

onadietcokebreak · 29/03/2009 21:38

You do need to go and speak to a housing officer at the council.

Is the Child Benefit in your name?

Do you have your own bank account. If no open one now as you will need one when you leave for benefits.

FfreckleFface · 29/03/2009 21:40

LEM, I have no practical advice to offer, but am sorry that you have to consider this.

Does he have any family/friends he could stay with for a little while to give you both a chance to think?

LEMAGAIN · 29/03/2009 21:46

He could stay with his mum freckle, if it came to the crunch but he ferries employees to london for his work and his mum lives there too, so it would be nigh on impossible.

Lets pray we can find another way.

OP posts:
FfreckleFface · 31/03/2009 16:40

Hey LEM, was thinking about you. Did you decide anything? Hope things are better.

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