Does anyone else really worry about their DP's/DH's, being worn out/ exhausted all the time?

[stilltryingtosell]

DP is only 33 years old, he runs his own business, very stressful but he does thankfully manage to keep to normal office hours. He is very god around the house (too good- I would like to be left to do things my way more-I must be mad!) and won't step back despite me asking him.

He is not very 'healthy', he smokes (currently trying to give up) only exetrcise is walking the dog twice a day (prob an hour a day in total) and its up to me to make sure he eats- for example on my days at work, if i don't have time to make him a paclked lunch he just won't eat. By the evening he is virtually starving. he has always neglected his health, has been much better since we have been together but still not gtreat. he also falls asleep on the sofa most nights at about 8 pm so we miss out on being together IYKWIM. he also has a really bad back, nothing terrible wrong with it (its been checked by GP) but DP gets really down about it.

This isn't a moan about DP, but I am worried and if I am honest a little bit fed up, I know working and having a family is knackering but surely he should be a bit 'perkier' than this!!

BTW he says he doesn't feel depressed and has been checked out recently by GP nothing physically wrong with him.

Anyone else have a similar situation?

Erm...yes.

Apart from the smoking, and we don't have a dog so he doesn't walk one.

Ummm....but what can you do?

Thats just it Lynette, I am just not sure if there is anything I can do!! Its not like I am sat on my arse all day, I work as well and am pretty shattered but things just seem to be particularly bad at the moment, am getting worried about how he will be in another ten years lol!!

I mean, is this 'normal', I'm just not sure.

I presumed it was.

An osteopath did help my DH a lot with his back. Having a bad back is tiring in itself.

Have you had a holiday recently? DP and I are equally shattered, all of the time as we split things pretty much 50/50 down the middle.

It becomes very clear when we are due a holiday as neither of us have the energy to do anything and often nod off on the sofa. Any chance of a week off?

Think about it, he isn't eating or exercising in a way to optomise his well being and energy levels. He's smoking and living life on half charged batteries IYKWIM. He does things around the house and walks the dog because either he wants to or feels he should do, that on top of running his own business is understandably wearing him out so you might be expecting a bit too much of him and shoukldn't really feel fed up at him.
If you want to help improve his health, do it in stages
1.let him catch up on sleep in the next few months ( ie after he eats let him go up to bed and don't strop about it or he will feel that he has to make an effort to stay awake for you, he clearly can't manage it at the moment, falling asleep in the sofa is not good),
2.then start a routine of eating together as soon a she gets in, and afterwards go out for a walk with your dog walking for 20mins or so, then come in and cosy up and unwind, then
3.as the days get longer, spend some time socialising in the evenings on some nights.

All the while meal plan for him maing sure he has enough water,vitamins and minerals or give him supplements.

mine is always asleep on the sofa every night, he is now. He doesnt look after himself at all, and to be honest i get sick of trying to make him, I just hope he will wake up to it one day soon...

Just thinking about his bad back. Does he sit at a computer a lot?

I had that problem and started going to the gym and doing various workouts on strengthening al the muscles in my lower torso and it helped a lot. I also have some special stretches I do.

Low energy levels and nodding off in the evening again are probably to do with lack of excercise. Low libido can also be caused by lack of excercise - just mentioning it in case that is an issue.

Any chance he could go to a local gym and get someone to develop a programme for him?

Multivitamins. DH is in a worse state than your DP even, in that he has every problem you list AND he's clinically depressed. Counselling and ADs have done nothing, then I suggested he take multivitamins. He's like a new man. It might be a coincidence but it's worth a try I reckon.

What exactly is the point you are making here? Concern for the health of DH or you feeling fed up over lack of relationship?

Running your own business can be very stressful so he will need extra support from you. Healthwise an hour walking a day is pretty good but have you tried back massage? If you can get him to bed at 8pm and give him a massage it might help him relax more and maybe do a bit for your relationship

Agree with more exercise and trying to get him to a gym, will definetly boost energy levels.

I worry about my DH too. He works v v hard and compressd hours (so v long days) to spend an extra day a week with DS while I work.

They both love it and it also saves us a lot of money (not that this is the important part) but he's just so exhausted all week.

He's got high blood pressure and has been having palpitations.

I don't know what more to do either. I get as much as possible (laundry, cooking, hoovering etc) done during the day when I'm working from home so he doesn't feel he needs to start when he walks through the door (and he would). I've suggested he take a break from his desk every hour and get out and take a few breaths in the fresh air. We eat well, go to bed early and he exercises when he can.

I will suggest the vitamins though, is a good point. And massage

Just had a thought - people can become very tired and exhausted when they are in early stage diabetes. A quick urine dip test at the GP is a good idea.

By the way, I am so impressed by all of you who are concerned and caring about your DH/DPs health. On an unrelated note do try and also encourage your man to have an occassional prostate check as well. Only takes a few minutes but most men will not have one because of the the 'finger up the bum test' but it might save his life. Men do not look after themselves generally so do keep up the chivvying until he goes.

Hadn't thought about either of those, ABD. Thank you, I will mention it.

My DH does have gym membership - but when is he supposed to go to the gym? He's worn out in the evening,but like to put DC's to bed, and as he works 6 days a weeks likes to spend the only day off with the DC's.

Do you all think stilltyingtosell's DP's energy levels are abnormal?

well it sounds normal to me. DH and I are just the same - wokring all day, and doing the house, and getting the kids to bed IS enough IMO to exhaust most people. I guess some of it is dependent on the type of job and the type of children you have, some are easier than others!

I do think it is right to be concerned about the health of your partner but to be honest as adults we all have a responsibility to look after ourselves; it's really no good for him if it's only ever you who makes lunch so he will eat, or gets him to take multivitamins etc; what if you are ill? then the whole house of cards falls. He does need to be taking responsibility for himself as well.

Hi, Thank for all the replies! It helps to know its not 'just us' then. I have spoken to other people friends and a few work colleagues and quite a few do seem to be stuck in this rut.

A few others do sem to have much more active DP's but then they are active doing lots of things away from their families lol, sport / golf atc etc and I probably wouldn't like that too much either.

Have bought some multivits today and am going to menu plan tonight to make sure we are ALL getting better food, and DP is going to buy a bike and start going out on that now the evenings are brighter.

Like lynette says though, I's still be interested in knowing if people generally think being this tired is on the 'normal' side or if I really should be concerned.

Anyhow lets hope we manage to stay up til at least nine with the vits etc lol!!!!

hello,
DH is like this at the moment, he has all sorts of check-ups and blood tests, he has been having palpitations etc.

They haven't found anything but he reckons he's just getting old! (40)

I alternate between being sympathetic and feeling put upon (I also work full-time and do as much as him but have to keep going cos someone has to).

I think massage is a good idea (one more thing for you to do though).

what's bugging me at the moment is that DH won't take a holiday (when I think we ALL need one). He thinks it will stress him out even more

You don't mention your DC - how old are they? Ours are 4 and 2 and are knackering - am hoping for some respite soon!

I can totally relate to this, my dh is only 29 but is so knackered he has to go and have a lie down in bed when he gets home from work and nearly always falls asleep on the sofa.

He is self-employed too and our kids are also 4 and 2 so maybe it is a combination of the stress and long hours of running a business and the sleep deprivation of having young kids.

It is quite worrying though, especially as he is already on blood pressure medication and often gets a racing heart but he had a recent ECG and was told it was ok. He sometimes says that he thinks there must be something really wrong with him and that it can't be normal to be that tired but reading this thread has been pretty reassuring, maybe I'll show it to him.