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Relationships

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Original poster

getting married before getting pregnant again

14 replies

mummyofthomas · 27/03/2009 17:23

hi, just wondered what peoples views were on marriage and children, neither me or my fiance are overly religious so decided to try for baby before getting married, we now have a gorgeous 7 months old son. we really want to start trying for another baby but I am bit old fashioned and would really like to be married first.i have grandparents who dont say anything to me but i know they dont approve of me not being married. the thing is and I know this sounds silly but I cant afford to get married now, not the wedding i would like anyway, nothing too fancy just close family. a wedding is an expense for just a day but babies expense is spread out plus have most things now from our first son. i know if i was to get pregnant again and they ask why im not married and i say i cant afford it they will say well how can you afford another baby. sorry for rambling, just wondered whether people think it matters to be married when u have kids or not. I am in commited relationship and have been for 5 and half years but saying that my baby's dad was my husband instead of my boyfriend just sounds so much nicer

OP posts:

Fimbo · 27/03/2009 17:27

You don't need a big fancy wedding. Just go to the registry office and do it.

I lived with my dh for 3 years before I was engaged to him, to my father's disgust. We lived in separate towns though so I didn't get too much hassle to get married. I think if I had lived in my home town there would have been more emphasis on it. When I told him I was getting married, his first words were "thank god, your mother and I were wondering when it was going to happen".

Tamarto · 27/03/2009 17:29

I've been with my DP for 8 years, we have three children and think about getting married occasionally. Like you we haven't because of the cost, to do it properly would cost more than we can spare.

It really depends on whether you want to be married more than the 'do' or would you really only be getting married for the party?

If you want to be married then do it, you can always have a blessing in the future, when you have more money that lets you have your day?

solidgoldbrass · 27/03/2009 17:34

If you and your DP want to be married, you can have a cheap registry office do (and suggest to the family members who think you 'ought' to be married that they take you out for a nice lunch afterwards or something). But if you don't want to, don't. Not everyone thinks marriage is important and some people are actively opposed to the institution. What does your DP think?

solidgoldbrass · 27/03/2009 17:35

BTW for all the fact that some people make a silly fuss about the importance of holding onto one's virginity as an item of currency to hand over on the wedding night, there is a long, long history of couples marrying when the bride is pregnant having quite deliberately started the pregancy to prove fertility before marrying...

brettgirl2 · 27/03/2009 17:39

If you organise the registry office and invite close family they WILL pool together for a meal afterwards surely?

Are you sure that your parents won't want to contribute anyway? My dad would have rather died than not pay for my wedding (I kept it small btw I couldn't have taken the guilt otherwise!)

bratnav · 27/03/2009 17:45

MoT - DH and I got married 3 weeks ago when I was 14 wks pg with our first, but we have both been married before and have 3 gorgeous DDs between us.

We got married for £500, we asked our relatives and friends (15 guests altogether) to pay for their own meals rather than give gifts, got relatives to take photos and I made our wedding cake (2 tiers which cost £40 to make) and looked stunning, pics on my profile if you want to see what a non-baker can do. I organised everything in a month.

The only important thing about this day is the fact that you and DP are making a lifetime commitment to each other, all the meringue dresses and expensive receptions in the world will never mean as much as that.

HolyGuacamole · 27/03/2009 17:51

Well said bratnav. Your pics are lovely and your dog is GORGEOUS!!

OP you don't need a big fancy schmancy do, it's you and your other half that matter, not the glitz or the opinions of other people.

bratnav · 27/03/2009 18:10

Thanks HG

Doha · 27/03/2009 19:03

Agree with HG

lovely pictures, fantastic cake (well done) beautiful DC's and as for the dog........

bratnav · 27/03/2009 19:04

Thanks Doha

Nabster · 27/03/2009 19:46

If being married is really what matters go down the registry office route. If you want the fancy day you will have to save up and put off the next baby for a while.

Dh and I got married nearly 10 years ago and the whole thing including 10 nights in Italy was £5000. My outfit was about £1000 and then there was another £1000 on top that PIL paid. It really doesn't have to be expensive and we had everything we wanted. Luckily we don't have massive ideas!

solidgoldbrass · 27/03/2009 21:24

You could do the cheap registry office option so that you're married and if you have additional pressure from family for a big do, tell them that you're unable to afford a big celebration right now but you will have a 'blessing'/party/renewal of vows on your first anniversary. (BTW I put 'blessing' in commas cos it doesn't have to be a religious ceremony if you don't want one).

sarah76 · 27/03/2009 23:19

We were engaged when I got pregnant the first time, and moved our wedding forward so I would have been 5 months pg at the time. I don't know why exactly, but we really wanted to be married before the baby came. Neither of us are religious either.

I miscarried, unfortunately, but we decided to go ahead with the wedding as planned. And when the wedding day came around I was pregnant again.

A very smart friend of mine had a partner for years, had two children, and wasn't bothered about getting married at all (so I thought). Then one day I heard she and he and had a quick registry office cermony and a little party at home. I asked her why she'd changed her mind, and she simply said 'security'.

Maybe some of us just feel more secure going the traditional marriage route (not saying that's right or wrong).

Original poster

mummyofthomas · 30/03/2009 19:04

Thanks everyone for your great messages, and you are so right bratnav, plus i love your cake - purple is my fav colour lol. still not 100% what to do, may just start trying for number 2 and if we are lucky enough to get preggers again before we get married then all the better and if not they i will just have to walk down the aisle with a rather large bump

OP posts:

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