What do you do when your dreams are ruining your life?

[dareidream]

DH and I have been married for 9 years with 1 DC. For years I have had nightmares with him in them, where basically in a nutshell he was flaunting another woman in front of me, or being really cruel, basically just showing he had less regard for me than the dirt in his shoes.

Lately, each night, they are getting worse and worse until now I just woke from a nap and had the worst one yet. I woke up moaning and crying and with a migraine and I feel utterly broken. Basically he was madly in love with my cousin (who in RL he has never met) and we were all on holiday together and he was so in love with her it was heart breaking, carrying her around, kissing her, whispering to her, everything. It was lust but it was total love as well. I was in anguish watching it and all I could do was say I was going to divorce him and humiliate myself, as always in my dreams.

I just dont know what to do. My DH has given me no reason to think he is actually cheating on me. I havent got a past history of being cheated on. DH loves me. In my dream today I was even crying over all the old love letters he wrote me, saying how none of it was true.

I am sure there is more to it than I have just relayed, we have had marital problems but who hasnt? I do feel our romantic connection is pretty dried up, but I have had these dreams almost forever, although granted they are much much worse recently.

I am now finding I dont want to cuddle him or kiss him I just feel as if its all true and I know this is madness. Help me please these dreams are like a whole real life taking over.

This is going to come out as sounding harsh but I don't mean it to (can't hink of another way to put it)

They are dreams and, yes, they can be upsetting BUT when you get upset about them and dwell on them when awake they're on your subconscious so when you fall asleep you will have a similar dream.

It may be in the back of your mind that you don't deserve DH/he doesn't love you/you're not good enough and that can also trigger them - I speak from experience

Try to tell yourself when you're asleep (if you can) THIS IS A DREAM. IT'S ALL RUBBISH.

If you can't tdo that while you're dreaming do it as soon as you wake up, make yourself a cuppa

thanks. I am having a tea now!

I do feel awful for it. I am really in love with him but we have always had missed connections it seems. But this is just so painful watching him night after night tenderly love another woman.

I know its just a dream. I will keep trying.

In the whole time we have been together I think I have probably only had a 'nice' dream with him in it twice. These... almost every night for 9 years but with breaks dotted around.

IIWY I would look for professional help. Cognitive behavioural therapy (which focuses on techniques for stopping unwanted thoughts) or hypnotherapy might help.

Apart from that - although you say he loves you you alsa the romantic connection is all dried up. No doubt that is upsetting you and you miss it and that is prompting these dreams.

yes I do miss the romantic and sexual connection we used to have. Very much though he doesnt seem to, he is just happy in the family unit.

While it is normally way out of my area, I would actually suggest you track down some sort of New Age dream therapist (or maybe a self-help book on dreams - a therapist might be a loon who will be worse than unhelpful) and learn some basic 'exercises' about preventing bad dreams. Because what you need more than anything is an effective placebo in the purest sense: these dreams are your mind playing tricks on you, you need to play a different set of tricks on your subconscious to make them stop.
Many years ago my at-the-time DP dreamt he caught me shagging someone else; he woke up impossibly grumpy and we had one of those 'What's the MATTER with you?' 'You KNOW what the matter is!' rows for several minutes until it dawned on him.

I also have bad dreams about DS being hurt, but thankfully these are very much less frequent. Learning how to not have nightmares every night would be wonderful. Every single night I live through a handful of my worst fears.

try www.dreammoods.com

I ahve lots of odd dreams and they always seem to make sense once I look up the meaning

your subconcious is trying to communicate with you.

from dreammoods.com

To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, highlights your insecurities and your fears of being abandoned. You may feel some lack of attention in the relationship or that he or she is being less affectionate. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others.

To dream that you are committing adultery with your spouse's friend, denotes that you are feeling neglected by your spouse.

HTH