SAHM and dh thinks im unambitious...

[doorstep]

Title says it all....

I gave up my job 4+ yrs ago to have dd and have since had ds. Would like to have baby3 sometimes this year....So as you can see I have my hands full.

Dh & I BOTH decided that I would give up work to bring up our family and although at times its hard work I love it. Work doesn't interest me atm...

Dh is not trying to get me back into a job BUT seems to have an idea that I can become some kind of female entrepreneur which, yes I would love to be BUT realistically it doesn't drive me atm and is impossible having 2 lo's.

Yes sure some women do achieve it but im dd and ds's full time carer, dh works away alot and I have very little time iykiwm....

Dh is self employed, his business (finances)is a mess YET it doesn't faze him. He is constantly coming up with new ideas to make a fortune and tbh today I said that if I had a £1 for every idea I would be rich.

He saw it as me being unsupportive and turned it round saying I lacked ambition. Saying im unsupportive...I am supportive, ffs I save us a fortune by being a sahm and run the home etc...

Same again a few weeks ago.....I enquired about selling on a designer bag I own. Company offered to sell it and take a 30% cut for doing so...dh's reply. Set a company up yourself and do it yourself... Yeah good in theory but with what time.

Dont really know what to do, just feel shit upon that dh thinks so low of me. As though rich and ambitious is better than happy and comfortable.

Dh seems to forget I gave up my career etc at 25...where was he at that age..?

I probably am the worst person to reply seeing as both DH and i are both unemployed...but sounds like he is a wee bit overambitious! A bit Del-boyish even. no, entrepreneurism isn't for everyone -otherwise there would be more bosses than workers and society would collapse.

Also, i agree that he shouldn't be underselling you as a housekeeper/childminder etc! These are (can be anyway) both full-time jobs when you're doing someone else's house or looking after other people's kids...it's no less important, surely to be doing both jobs for your husband?

sorry can't be more help than that.

Well, I don't know that there's anything wrong with not being ambitious. Some people are, some people aren't.

Life's priorities change. And yours will change again as you get older.

Just because you are a SAHM now doesn't mean you'll be one in six years time.

Is your DH feeling a lot of pressure at the moment, do you think? Do you need to talk about finances? Maybe he's worried.

I'd tell DH that right now work/entrepreunerialism isn't your key focus...his (and your) kids are! That's the way it is for some women.

At some point in the future you might love to be your own woman, but right now, you're in a different place.

If his business is a mess, maybe he's a bit stressed and has bitten at you for little reason? Is he normally unsupportive or is this out of character? If it had been my DH I'd ask tell him I'd been thinking about it all day and was really upset about it. That for now kids come first and the ambition might come back later.

I'd also sell the designer bag on Ebay but then that's what I do to supplement our income anyway [grin}

Thanks godzilla...I tell him the same. That a SAHM is a job and is bloody hard at times...Thing is usually he's so supportive of SAHM's and is great but then there are times.....

I agree, WW. I would love to return to a job I love (when I decide to)..I kind of fell into the job I did pre kids and would love to work for myself or even to do something I want to iyikwm...BUT atm its not something I can think about with lo's...

Crumbs, even housework is hard..!

Yes, I think there is pressure financially BUT he's not one to discuss it...if he does it worries me..which he doesn't want to do and then the next day things are fine. No money worries etc. He says we have a good income atm so he doesn't worry 90% of the time..its just that 10% that comes around every few months...

Come on now!!!! Why aren't you running your own cupcake business !? Seems the thing to be doing these days! LOL

lol itl .

you are all right, I need to sit down with dh and tell him how I feel. He is normally supportive but just times seems so sexist...

BTW,i do sell loads on ebay to get pennies in..dh doesn';t see the need BUT I do..recycle and gives me extra pennies . Thing is the bag is expensive and most ebayers want a designer bag for £10..! lol. Also ebays restrictions allow me to advertise it every 30 days...

Thanks for the advice so far

doorstep I really feel for you. I think some people just don't get what an all-consuming thing being a SAHM is: physically and mentally you are embroiled in keeping everyone else afloat.

Why should you be ambitious now? You might be at a later stage, but as someone said, having children changes your priorities. My DH has always been pretty supportive, but I don't think that it's easy for a man who's working to understand what we do all day. Let him do it and then he'd see!

I am just getting back into work after 8 years and am starting to feel some stirrings of ambition. You might too, but not now. Don't for God's sake buy into what he is saying about you.

I

Sorry, just to say, this is not intended as an anti-man rant. I just think that things change so radically for SAHMs, and we lose some of the power that comes with earning money.

Thanks screaming .

I agree, im not anti men either. Like you said, just feel that women don't always get as fair a deal...

I have spoken to dh since this thread and he is apologetic that he made me feel this way.
He didn't intend to and says he knows how hard a SAHM's job is....

I guess sometimes he thinks he's Alan Sugar and doesn't realise that I don't want to be his apprentice .

Great advice given though everyone Thankyou x