Has anybody been through this and can help?

[London7]

Hi, I'm divorcing my husband and after much emotional struggling have just about come to terms with the whole thing. Now, I have to deal with finding out that he cheated on me when we were dating, during our marriage and even when I was pregnant, not to mention that he is sleeping with someone else now. I had my suspicions but thought he only did it once at the beginning of our relationship. How do I pick myself up after finding out that the whole time we were together, he went with other women??? All those lies, him accusing me of being paranoid and mad...How do I start again???

you put it in a mental filing cabnet.. and be really kind to yourself.. learn to love yourself and treat yourself well.

totally on the ball BCNS

london, i am sorry you are going though this

remind yourself daily that HE is the knob, that HE is the one who is at fault, that HE is the one who will go through life with no fulfilling relationship in the end because HE will fuck it up.

You, otoh, will (as BCNS says) love yourself for the wonderful person you are, accept yourself for the wonderful person you are and move on as a strong woman who was able to leave behind an unfortunate relationship with an emotional fuckwit whose brain was in his dick.

And you will be able to recognise the signs next time so you won't be taken in again, because you are smart.

Give yourself a pat on the back for having got rid of him, for starters. Some women really are mugs with regard to men like this, allowing them to have endless affairs (not in an agreed-open-relationship way, nor even in a having-decided-to-accept-it way, but with endless forgiveness and one more chance despite all the evidence that the man is not monogamous and has no intention of changing his behaviour.)

take one day at a time
concentrate on the practical stuff
and on the crap days..theres always chocolate ice cream

Aw, what a shit thing to find out

He has moved on and you need to find your way of doing so too. Don't massage his ego by letting him see that you're upset, he is not worth it.

On a positive note, this is all the more proof that getting divorced is the right thing to do. You start again by making a success of your life. Undo all the work he done on you, making you think you were mad. Well, do you know what? You were right all along, you weren't mad.

A bit of time to wallow (not too much tho!) then get up and fight another day. Every crap thing you find out about him, is another step away from him and another reason to make yourself a new and happy life.

You will look back on this and see the divorce as the best thing you have ever done, honestly!

I found out my exdh had slept with someone else 3 days after me and DDs left our marital home.
I am so glad Im divorced. Wish Id found mn earlier.

And guess what? He is STILL a prick. Remarried, but still a prick. Have yourself a mahoosive divorce party and celebrate your freedom....then move on. You'll be fine. Trust me on that

hats off to THUMBWITCH... couldn't have said it better. Too often we are left feeling like the failures because of their mistakes. He sounds like a serial cheater to me, you're better off without him.

As someone else said you wasnt paranoid and mad you was spot on! My dh tried this trick on me-seems most of them do.

You will get through it and find out that your stronger then what you first thought. Look forward and to the future with your DCs. It will get better and before you know it you will have more good days then bad just give yourself time. Family and friends are also a godsend spend some time with them and take up offers of help when they are made.

Been there.
It's horrible to look back and see your life as one big lie - you thought you were living one life and turns out you were living another.

Of course not being with a man who is so selfish and disregarding of the vows he made to you has got to be the best thing about it.
Be glad for that as often as you can.

And have a hair cut!

London

I have also been there. In fact, I cooked his 'friend' a lovely dinner because she was 'lonely' and then the bitch she came to the hospital and held my newborn DS when he was just hours old and all the time they were having an affair

Oooo, do I seem angry? Hmm. This was 3 years ago. I don't know how you get over it.

OMG SuperBunny! No wonder you're still angry - I can't believe that people would behave like that and think it's ok!

My Ex-DH had an affair (hence being ex)
They worked at the local leisure centre together - I went to see what this girl looked like (as you do) but ended up asking her "Are you Kate?" she said, "no, I'm Katherine" to which I flipped - treating me like I'm stupid. Ended up chasing her around the swimming pool full of people who went silent - mouths open watching a crazy woman chasing a pool attendant out of the door saying "Hey, I want a word with you" all the way out the door! (oops)

I was devestated at the time. But, yes - you do get over it.

To be honest, she still hides from me if she's sees me (13 years later!) And it now brings a little smile to my face!

... or am I just a bit sick?

I'm not recommending the whole "chasing around the swimming pool" thing though.

I'd love to chase her round a pool. Or push her in. Whatever.

rofl at Mamii - I can imagine doing something like that if I ever clap eyes on the slapper ow!

London7 - You will be much better without him and dont feel bad. We all think we would know if we were married to a git, but we dont. Not until it is too late and then you must pick yourself up, brush yourself down and see them for what they are - Pricks who want their cake and eat it!

Hope your feeling stronger soon