SAHM? This has to be the most undervalued job in the World!

[Treadmillmom]

I am wife and a mother to 3 DC under 5.
Of all the jobs I have ever had being a SAHM mom is the bloody hardest!
I?ve been a SAHM now for exactly 12 months and not only do I not get a salary but everyone just whinges and whinges constantly, and I?m not just talking about the kids.
I cook fresh meals 6 days outta 7, DH never touches them, kids just moan. Seriously, I can see the attraction of serving chips with everything or ready meals, I bet there?s never any waste or complaint!
From 7am till approx. 9pm I?m on the move (not including the night shift), but there?s still always gripes for the things perceived not to have been done or done satisfactorlly.
Seriously thinking of going AWOL or getting prescription drugs from GP.
Getting pissed off being everyone?s skivvy and getting nowt but moans and criticism in return!

try being a carer and a sahm lol. still, saves social services a pack of money.

It sounds like you are having a hard time of it.

Try to focus on the positives - they might not seem to appreciate it, but remember all the goodness they are getting from your home-cooked food; remind yourself how fortunate you are to have all that time with your children. Give your DH a kick up the backside for not setting a good example and eating your food.

You are doing a great thing.

Precisely why I'm a WOHM

flame me if you like, but I don't really "get" that sentiment.....

sn or not, they are your children and your responsibility imo, I can't understand why people perceive it to be doing SS a favour by choosing to look after their own kids.

I know that you are, but it just strikes me as a bit of a strange thing to say...

I speak as someone with great admiration for the parents of children wih sn.

My mum provided respite care for 3 children with sn when i was growing up, and I have worked with 3 children with sn on a one to one basis in school.

that was to madwomaninthe attic btw

The trouble with being a SAHM is that you can constantly raise your own expectations of yourself!

Lower your standards on things that aren't important.

I am on your behalf and don't blame you for wanting to disappear.

I would suggest that you organise a weekend away ASAP and leave your DH to find out how hard you have it for himself.

After that, give your DH a kick up the arse and tell him to stop being critical. You are going through a very tough time and your DCs should learn (from him) to show you the respect you deserve.

I anm a SAHM (bur only have one under five) and it drives me bonkers at times. I find the real sanity saver is grabbing some time for myself. Is there a local leisure centre with creche near by? A swim or a run with the kids looked after could be a sanity saver. I am also in a book club and go to the pictures with friends regularly.

Failing all this, run off with the milkman - your DH deserves it!

Treadmill I feel your pain - another poster described it as Groundhog Day!
I have been ill for a few weeks and its been awful - but the one upside is that dh finally gets what is so exhausting and mindless about it.
Can you do something outside home for yourself?

Frankly, three DCs under five? FGS, that's a hard task in anyone's book, made worse if you're not feeling appreciated.

Work time in for yourself and INSIST it be accepted. I have a friend who's SAHM but uses a CM once a week to give her some time off.

not sure why people consider SAHM a job - it's not a job it's a lifestyle. Also, why on earth would you earn a salary? who'd poay that?

the real problem is that you are not supported by your partner and that's where thr resentment lies imo. I have been a sahm for 7 years - it's easier than lots of other jobs I've had with numerous perks.

conniedescending - why is SAHM not a job? The definition of job is not "paid employment".

The relentless treadmill of housework and childcare is cetainly tedious but very normal.
I don't think the fact that you are so under appreciated and have to put up with a moaning whingeing husband is either normal or acceptable.
He needs to grow up!

quite. it's from being on the feminism thread.
just a throwaway comment really - the sheer expense of looking after someone with a disability coupled with the inability to hold down a job because of your caring responsibilities is a bit of a double whammy though. no way out of the poverty trap really.
not in that position myself (although dd2 does have a disability i wouldn't class our family as in any way in that position) but know lots of families where it is a struggle. lack of help leading to depression, anxiety and family breakdown, and only then ss stepping in to provide respite when it is all too late.
ho hum.
i'm just your bog average sahm with a wee pt job. no expectation for ss to fork out here. so i'm not feeling particularly aggrieved....
it was just the part about being undervalued lol. in the same way that being a sahm is undervalued, being a carer and a sahm is a bit of a double whammy, with no real way out of it, even once the kids are at school. so your 'undervalued' days don't really end...
but i'm plenty valued myself, thanks.

it's not ajob and imo it's not all that hard either.

LOL at "get a salary"

It is a job (and if you didn't do it, you would soon notice the difference (feral children) or else need to pay someone else to do it for you) and it is as hard as your standards are high .

Do you perhaps have feral children, conniedescending?

join the reserve forces and spend one weekend every month away from home. there's always the possibility you'll get 4 months off to go to afghanistan lol (and they'll pay for a ft nanny whilst you're there as well as your wages...)
no? [smile}
i'm just teasing - it is a grind. but i do find that leaving dh alone with the kids for a weekend every month is a surefire way to include him in the benefits of raising a family....

I agree with you Bonsoir. Its as hard as you make it.
Some SAHM's strive to reach silly ideals, a spotless house, immaculately clean and perfectly behaved children and to be happy and unflustered when DH strolls in from work which completely unrealistic whether you stay at home or go to work.
The only way to achieve these standards is if you have a nanny and a cleaner and a potful of money.
Treadmill - for a few days just don't do everything. Don't cook, wash, clean etc and then let your dh see what its like when you don't do anything,
He needs a kick up the arse but maybe you need to chill a bit too. Cooking fresh meals every day is hard work - how about a take away or God Forbid pizza or fish fingers and chips a few nights.

when I left dh for a week the first thing he said was
"god housework is so tedious"

my children are perfectly normal well-behaved children, my home is clean and tidy but not spotless

i have plenty of time to do everthing.....not surewhat the biddeal is about changing nappies and doing a bit of vacuuming etc

When i was a sahm with ds1 i remember lounging around in my dressing gown till noon watching shite tv while ds played, after lunch we would get dressed and go out for some fresh air(park, shops, M&T etc), then about an hour before dp got home would tidy up, put washing on and start dinner, it was an easy lifestlye, my only grip was it was dullsville, i much prefer to be a wohm these days

Haha VinegarTits I remember days like that.
Treadmill.
I was a SAHM for 7 years and used to feel like Treadmill BUT now I work part time, with both dc at school and I think back to the SAHM days and wonder what all the fuss was about. I really had it easy.
I didn't have to get up, get both dss and myself dressed, washed, fed and out the door by 8.30 to run to school, then work, then dash round town/run round house with hoover till school run at 3 followed by homework, tv, quick tea, bath and bed.
My lot are lucky to get a fresh from scratch meal once a week on my day off and they think themselves lucky!!

OP three under five is really hard work. It can wear you down and it's easy to feel like everything is just shit. The only thing I can say is it does get better as they get a bit older.

crikes conniewhatsit all i can say is your children must be little angels compared to mine if you find it so easy.

how old are your kids? do they sleep through the night?

my toddler wants me every minute of the day, and wears me out all night too, i can't leave the room without him crying for me. it's a nightmare trying to manage him plus do housework, never getting a minute to yourself, or the time to finish any job you start...

among most mothers its universally acknowledged that mothing is the hardest job you have ever done or will ever do.

so your children must be unusually well behaved, or you must be unusually calm and unflappable, or from outer space. or a man.

3 kids under 5 must be demanding - sounds like you could do with a break / holiday! Can't believe your dp doesn't appreciate your cooking!

Sounds to me as though getting a job, even part time, might be the answer - although a lot of working mums still have all the housework and chores on top of work which might be even harder .

I am sure your kids and dp appreciate all that you do, even if they don't communicate it well. A lot of working mums would envy you being at home with your kids so the grass isn't always greener