Friend's DH is off to fight in Afghanistan - how can I support her?

[mrsrawlinson]

My close friend and her DH only got married last year and they've two DSs aged 6 and 1. His regiment are going out to Afghanistan shortly and she's absolutely devastated. I want to be as supportive as I can, which is easy in the practical sense, but I have no idea what I can say to her to help her through emotionally. Anyone got any experience of this or able to offer any good advice?

I am a forces wife and the things that helped me were phone calls at the lonely times - evening, weekends. Are you close enough to visit/ include them in a weekend activity?

Keep an eye on the news, if anything happens over there give her a quick call to make sure she's ok and you're thinking of her.

Arrange a girls night in/out?

Is your friend also aware of SSAFA. They are there to help and support both serving and ex servicemen and their families.

Not sure, Attila, but I'll mention it to her.

Good idea about the weekends, McDreamy. She doesn't drive so I think that would be very useful.

Oh blimey if she doesn't drive she will definitely need your support and company! Where is she?

I'm also a forces wife and it's the evenings and weekends and school holidays which can be lonely, and difficult as you don't get a break from the kids at all.

The best help I get is others including me in things to at the weekend (and letting me moan sometimes).

It's the evenings and weekends which are the worst, I know ,DH is away on a 4 month OOA just now (thankfully nowhere dangerous)
She's lucky to have you as a friend and being close will help, my friends are all in Scotland

you're a lovely friend to be so thoughtful...

i'm a forces wife too..as others said it's the evenings and w/ends that are toughest. I always liked being invited with the dc's to someone's for dinner -even just for the dc's dinner - to have someone else cook for the dc's while I was handed wine a had a good chat was a treat. Organise nights out if she has a babysitter, she'll be grateful for the chance to get out of the house.

If she doesn't have a babysitter, see if she'd like you to come to hers for an evening, maybe with other friends for a girls' night in....

offer to babysit while she goes for a haircut etc

it's the monotony of solo childcare that gets me down, sometimes I'd go days without talking to another adult. Just keep her in the loop and make sure she knows she's not forgotten. She'll need you.

Thanks everyone, that's brilliant.

I am another Forces wife. I would find out when he is actually going (dates change all the time up ntil the last moment). Arrange to call her or even pop around about an hour after he has gone.

Sundays are a nightmare. I hate Sundays when my OH is away. More for the fact on a SUnday you really feel like you cannot just pop into a friends for coffee because its a family day. I had a lovely friend who invited me to Sunday lunch every few weeks. It was SO appreciated.

Perhaps offer some baby sitting help. Even just an hour or 2 for her to go home and have a bath in peace or something. Or invite her out for a day out with the kids (yours - if you have them and hers one weekend).

Offer to be there in an emergency when one child needs hospital at 2am but she does not want to disturb other child in the middle of the night etc.

Theres not alot that can be said. Dont be like my MIL talking about every dead and injured soldier reported on the news. If she brings it up fine but dont mention it yourself.

Be positive and help her stay positive about her count down.

I think just letting her know you are there is the main thing!

She is lucky to have you by the sounds of it!