Personality change in my Dad - really sad and worried

[becstarlitsea]

Over the past few months I've been noticing a sudden deterioration in my dad's health - he looks so much older, really frail and has lost a lot of weight. His personality has also changed - he has sudden angry outbursts and is very difficult to talk to. This is very different to his usual personality, although he has been like this in the past when under a lot of pressure, but that was a very long time ago.

I'm really concerned that this might be the beginning of dementia. My g'ma and g'dad (from diff sides - not married to each other) both had it and this feels familiar - the way he gets so angry and is so unpredictable. Also I can tell that my dad is really frightened and not himself. My mum is unwell and finding him very hard to live with, although he isn't at a stage where he would be diagnosed I don't think. Also, he's a doctor, don't think he'd want to be diagnosed with anything - he hates being a patient!

Has anyone been through similar? I live quite a long way away from them - too far to be much more than a listening ear for my mum really and I feel helpless and unsure what to do for the best.

My grandad has PSP - progressive supranuclear palsy - I'm not saying this is what your dad has, but my grandad has become so much older compared to others of his age (he's 79), and his personality has also changed - he used to be a very outgoing person who joked a lot and smiled and laughed - he is now often angry and has outbursts. In his case the anger may stem from the fact that he knows he has the condition and there is no cure, however I know that angry outbursts can be a symptom, along with alterations of mood and behaviour, including depression and apathy as well as progressive mild dementia. I really hope that it is not this but it may be worthwhile looking into things if you are worried.
Perhaps he has been diagnosed with something and has not wanted to tell anyone? This may be why he is feeling so angry and unwilling to talk?
Perhaps you could visit and sit down and have a good chat with him and see if you can get any more out of him that way?

My dad also suffered weight loss and uncharacteristic outbursts of anger - turned out he had type II diabetes and is now back to his old self.

For your own self I would call Age Concern and talk through this with them:-

0800 00 99 66

You need support too.

As for your parents I would encourage your Mum to get their GP to pay them a home visit. He needs to be clinically assessed by a gereatrician as a matter of course because this problem is not going to go away. Would also speak to their GP and convey your concerns to their GP practice, keep on their case.

bump for you

Thank you for replies, really appreciate it.

I do hope that it's something simple. His best friend died quite recently, and I'm hoping that it's just grief from the bereavement. Or that he's lost a bundle of money on the stock exchange and is just worried about that. If not, it's going to be a flippin' nightmare. His brain has been the most extraordinary thing about him all his life, and dementia is his worst fear. I'm going to wait a few months and see if it improves, and just be there for my mum in the meantime.

It sounds like he's been under a lot of stress recently. Is it possible he might have have suffered a mini stroke without noticing? Often the effects of small strokes can be temporary, so if this is the case, hopefully things will steadily improve.

I hope he's back to his old self soon.

Is it going to be impossible to persuade him to go to the doctor? It's just that if it is dementia there might be something they can do to slow down the progress, so it's obviously better going to them sooner rather than later.

Or, if it is diabetes, depression, stroke or any number of other things then prompt treatment will help him, where leaving it could just make things much worse at his age. If you do decide to leave it, don't leave it too long is all I'm saying. Good luck, and I hope it is something easily sorted.

Could he be depressed?
In older people depression is often not recognised because they don't tend to complain or it comes out in physical symptoms. It can also be confused with dementia.
You mention weight loss, anger outbursts and a lot of stress in his life lately which could all be related.
Depression is very treatable so worth finding out if it could be this.

I agree with raspberryblower- I would try and get him seen sooner rather than later.
Sorry you have these worries.It is somehting I am dreading.

He definitely needs to see a doctor. Ideally with someone who can tell the doctor about what's been happening, and ask important questions. There could be many reasons why he's behaving like this, but you need an expert to get on the right road to diagnosis and treatment.

the tricky thing is that he's a doctor himself and he has never set foot in a doctor's surgery or hospital except as a doctor or tutor, never as a patient. He's never been diagnosed with anything he didn't diagnose himself. His GP was trained by him! He's quite a strong personality anyway, and since his main symptom is to be more easily angered than usual... That's why I'm not rushing him to a doctor. His GP does come to see him often (to ask his professional advice not to check his health!). I'm dreading what's coming too, ggirl. I hope I'm wrong and that it's something simple and not health related at all.

Maybe he suspects he has something, but is in denial....

We saw changes in my father's behaviour as dementia started. Not anger, but as if he was losing some of his inhibitions. It is a very tough time all round, and can be very difficult to get a diagnosis in the early stages, even if you can get the GP to pay attention. I believe bad temper is quite a common symptom in old men, and it makes them extremely difficult to cope with.

It is a horrible time for everyone concerned, and I wish you the very best of luck in finding out what is going on, and in dealing with what ever it is once you know. My own Dad is now pretty much away to the fairies now, and it is very tough to deal with. Old age is a bugger sometimes.

This is such a difficult position for you to be in. You sound like a very caring daughter, and I honestly don't think there is much else you can do at the moment other than being a listening ear, and seeing how things go, as you say.

I agree that Age Concern could be a good source of support/advice/information for you or your mum.

I work with older people and it's always retired nurses, doctors, and other caring type professions that are the most stubborn and reluctant to accept help . I imagine I'll be the same myself.

I hope your dad is better soon.