He left us on Mother's Day, what am I supposed to do now?

[mummytowillow]

Well, he's gone he decided that Mother's Day was the best day to do it!! He is still refusing to acknowledge that he has had an emotional affair and will not forgive me for how I was when the PND was first diagnosed, so were at a stale mate.

He said some vile and nasty things to me and told me he didn't give a f--ck about me only his daughter

So where do I go from here, we have a £1000 a month mortgage, I work 4 days a week and he earns about £1300 more than me a month. Does he still have to pay the mortgage until we sell the house(we pay half for everything, plus have a joint account)? Is he entitled to come and go as he pleases? Can he insist on taking our daughter overnight, I have never spent a night away from her and can't bear the thought of it?

I'm filled with complete dread at being a single parent, it makes me feel sick to my stomach, if he wanted to come back I'd let him, but how long do I leave the door open for?

umm, you need to get up to spped on your rights..

Couple of quick ones, if you are married and DD is not DIL I presume, he has every right to come in and take her anywhere.

and the police will only check she is ok etc etc.

if his name is on the Mortgage yes he is liable for half, in fact half anything that his name is on.

is he vindictive, i.e would he piss off and empty your account etc...

I know it is harsh, but if a break up is bad these things happen

Also dont worry about the money, I know it sounds stupid not to worry, but staying together just b/c you can not afford to split up does not make for a happy live.

You need to get legal advice as soon as possible, even if you think you might take him back. You have a lot of finacial things to sort out and as soon as you can get that all sorted the better.

I have found out (my ex fannying about) that yes he can come in to the house if his name is on the deeds.

If there is no way you can afford the mortgage on your own then you will have to sort out selling it, but do check out what you can manage once things like maintenence and tax credits have been agreed. I can still manage mine, just.

Its a horrible situation, but for now you need to get practical and look out for yourself and your daughter. Good luck.

Aw, I don't know the answer to your questions but just wanted to say sorry for what happened, what a tosser. Sounds like you will be better off without him in your life.

Others with the knowledge will be along shortly.

Take half the money out of the joint account immediately and put it in an account of your own. Then get some legal advice about the house/maintenance etc. He will be entitled to access to his DD but how much and how often depends how old she is (and he isn't entitled to access to you - if you don't want to see him, you don't have to.)

Your DH has a right of access to the former marital home at any time. It is usually a good idea that one of you moves out and it is civilised if that person makes arrangements when they wish to have access, but you cannot change the locks and it would be possible to get a court order to force you to give DH a key if he wished.

friend of mine at work split up with her husband a few months back - he had to keep paying his half of the mortgage and, between the tax credits and maintenance she gets, she reckons she is no worse off financially without him...

So sorry for you m2W - rotten day for him to pick (my ex-fiance chose Valentine's day to leave, and I don't think that's as bad as Mother's Day)

As others have said, if you have a joint mortgage he is still liable to pay for it, and if his name is on the deeds he has right of entry BUT as he has left the home, you do have a right to him having to ask permission to come into the house, especially if you are afraid that he might do anything detrimental (my bro has this situation with his vindictive ex - she is not allowed in the house without his permission and has had to return her keys - he is in the process of buying her out of the house). Not quite sure exactly how you achieve it so get legal advice ASAP.

Aeschylus: however, if the one who has left the home has any record of violent or abusive behaviour then the one remaining in the home does have the right to exclude the abusive one.