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Original poster

Tactics needed pls - its another DH and texts from a strange number thread

48 replies

namechangerama · 23/03/2009 16:14

So, DH works long hours both out and at home. I have been known to check his texts just to find out what is going on with him.

Recently there have been a few "what are you doing later" type messages that got my hackles up. Plus another that said something like "are you online later?" The person is saved in his address book under initials rather than name, and later when I searched for those initials in his blackberry (which stores all the sent and received texts) it just produced a couple of non descript messages and not the ones that got my hackles up (ie, they'd been deleted.)

So, best Sherlock hat on, I've just checked his phone bill, and he's sent loads of texts to this number, mostly late at night.

I've tried calling it (number withheld) but no one has ever answered.

So what do we think? I want to be sure of my ground (ie that its a woman) before I talk to DH as I'm obviously on dodgy ground for snooping. I'd be surprised if he's up to anything real, but if he's having a flirtation of some kind it sure would explain a lot about the way he's been behaving lately.

Any ideas to research this mysterious person?.

OP posts:
Nabster · 23/03/2009 16:16

just ask him

Original poster
namechangerama · 23/03/2009 16:19

Obviously I'm going to ask him, but not until I know what I'm dealing with!

OP posts:
helsbels4 · 23/03/2009 16:20

I'm afraid I'd have to be upfront and ask him because I wouldn't just be able to sit there and wait for anything else to show. Are his phone bills readily available for you to see or would he know you'd been snooping? Tbh, if he's messing around with someone then he hasn't got a leg to stand on wrt you "snooping" and if it's nothing and just work or something then surely he won't mind that you're a bit concerned? I assume there are other issues here though as you said it would explain a lot if he is sneaking around.

Nabster · 23/03/2009 16:22

FGS you clearly assume your husband ius having an affair. Snooping for evidence is not going to change that. Tell him you looked in your phone you have found messages that concern you and you would like him to tell you who they are from.

Ivykaty44 · 23/03/2009 16:22

use another mobile and phone the number agian - I don't answer with held numbers and have friends that dont either.

helsbels4 · 23/03/2009 16:26

Could you use his phone when he's doing something else and ring the number??? At least you'd find out if a man or woman answered!

Original poster
namechangerama · 23/03/2009 16:28

Just got an answer. Bugger - its a woman. And I think its someone he used to cheat on his ex with, which would explain the initials.

Nabster - he's a supposedly reformed serial cheater from way back and will lie his way out of this if he gets a chance. Which is why I want to know what I'm dealing with before I talk to him.

I think he's probably been faithful to me so far, but we've had a very rocky patch lately and if he were ever to get tempted it would be now. God knows I've been tempted to look elsewhere, but crucially, I haven't.

OP posts:
beanieb · 23/03/2009 16:32

Why not call it from your mobile no, or home number ...? if it is a woman and he is having soe kind of 'thing' with her she might ask him if he knows the number and that might let him know you are on his tail!

beanieb · 23/03/2009 16:32

Oh - x posts.

MargotBeauregardesGavel · 23/03/2009 16:33

I don't think it looks great, BUT, I think you should wait until you have absolute concrete proof that he's been up to something before you say anything.

He'll only deny there's been anything more than texts, and you get cast in the role of 'suspicious wife' and that's not fair.

Men are absolutely renowned for swearing blind they haven't put a foot wrong in the face of circumstancial evidence, and letting their other halves think they are going crazy before they admit to anything.

NOT all men, but a large percentage will behave like this.

Is he on facebook? is she?

helsbels4 · 23/03/2009 16:35

So you recognised her voice? Is she married? Does he text her every day? If you want concrete evidence then could you replace her number for yours in his mobile, so that when he texts her it will come to your phone instead. Very, very sneaky but if he's a serial cheater then I'd do whatever I had to.

beanieb · 23/03/2009 16:38

I would do that - what Helsbels says. That way at least you will know!

twoluvlykids · 23/03/2009 16:38

leopards - spots

GypsyMoth · 23/03/2009 16:40

Does he spend his evenings on the computer then? She was asking if he'd be online later......think you need to check computer!! History etc. If he uses msn then change settings so conversations are copied.

PlumBumMum · 23/03/2009 16:43

OMG thats a brilliant idea helsbels4, crafty, but you might not like what you get in the text

Nabster · 23/03/2009 16:43

If you want to get evidence then text the number as him.

helsbels4 · 23/03/2009 16:47

Maybe I should be an undercover detective and not a sahm

GypsyMoth · 23/03/2009 16:48

He'll only get to send the one text tho......and if it's an innocent/neutral one then the cats out of the bag!! Unless he's thick and doesn't realize.

Aeschylus · 23/03/2009 16:51

firstly, I dont think you should be checking his texts should you?

nut now you have, go get your baseball bat, wait until he is in the car, then ask him about texts.

if he says what texts smash a wing mirror off, ask him again, I guarantee by the time you have walked around to other side of car, he will sing like a canary

helsbels4 · 23/03/2009 16:51

Ah, good point but the op could always change numbers back each time and then swap them again each evening. Lots of potential faffing but I would be hell-bent on getting to the bottom of it if it was me.

StercusAccidit · 23/03/2009 16:53

www.thespyshop.ws/

Try that

Men are proper arseholes sometimes

Oh and i would do what helsbels said very funny.

Before you do, consider how you will feel if you find out anything.. snooping sometimes brings things we would have been happier if we had not seen so much.. if you know what i mean.. because it sure plays on your mind, and also something innocent may be read by you as something else, in your upset state, be careful, and protect yourself in your quest for the truth, have someone you can turn to if you find out bad stuff .. please.. don't be alone with no support if you find out its bad

Nabster · 23/03/2009 16:54

All this ridiculous.

You are both adults.

You think he has cheated on you.

You need to make it clear he needs to cough up now or he is out.

All this faffing about how to find out first is just silly.

StercusAccidit · 23/03/2009 16:56

PMSFL at singing like a canary

With my DP i would have to park the car in scotland, and phone him to ask him to admit it, then let him hear me smashing the car over the phone, its his pride and joy lol

I wouldn't live long enough to smash it up

I would get it on video though so i could post it on youtube Hehe .. but then i am evil when

MargotBeauregardesGavel · 23/03/2009 16:56

No it's not silly! There's no point storming around like a bull in a china shop.

Find out precisely WHAT you're dealing with before you start dealing with it.

It could be innocent. It could be cheating. Either way, better to know which it is.

Anyway, if a person has only thought about cheating, but not acted on it, is it fair or wise or in anybody's interest to put them on the spot and force and answer out of them!!!! I'm not saying she should sit and watch an affair unfold and do nothing btw.

Nabster · 23/03/2009 16:58

He has form....

I find it amazing she can't talk to him in a reasonable manner. It doesn't have to be accusatory. Just an interest in her husband's life as he has new messages from someone she doesn't know.