Am I being insensitive?

[BatmansWilly]

A few months ago my friend told me that her husband was acting dodgy. Turning PC off as she walked by, up all night chatting online, passwording everything ... turns out he was "cyber-cheating" with another woman.

So they had a mass fall out, I listened as she went on and on about it. He said he'd stop, he didn't and carried on, it got worse, he admits he likes the other woman although they've never met etc etc.

My friend has been going on and on and on about this to me for the past few weeks. Phoning every day, reporting every new detail to me, updating me on the times he's signed in on msn whilst he's at work ... I'm just fed up of it now because she's not intending to do anything about it so what's the point in going on??

She arranges to meet me and then just stands me up because he's come home. She never wants to hear anything about me. I just told her my cousin (who I was close to) has been in touch and wants me to visit him in Spain, she replied "that's nice ... DH has just signed back in, what should I say to him?"

I feel like saying "ffs, get off MSN and talk to him face to bloody face!"

I now find myself ignoring her calls because I'm just bored of it.

Am I a shit friend?

No, she's obsessed with feeling bad with her DH but not doing anything about it. Have you said anything to her about it? Along the lines of 'but what are you actually going to DO?' Or even 'why are you telling me this? Do you want ME to talk to him?'

we'd all get compassion fatigue after a while

Pirate is right and so is Mitchyinge.

It's a pain in the ass when you give someone zillions of the same advice over and over and they won't take it or even do anything to resolve their problems. Might it be that you're friend is so scared of losing him that she wants to keep quiet about it, not to cause a fuss with him? Sounds like she is chasing a lost cause.

Ah well I'm pretty glad you're not my best friend - she has listened to me winge about my STBXH for close on 8 years and has been a true and dear friend without whom I would be lost !
MAybe you should tell her and let her find someone who can support her better

BW, YANBU

you can't help her if she doesn't want to accept your advice

there is only so many times you can listen to the same moans if she is not willing to change the situation

sounds like you have been a good friend so far, I would keep my distance for a while, but still be ready to be right back there if the shit hits the fan, which it will do, eventually

I don't think it is particularly supportive to just listen passively in this sort of situation, it's not the same as being bereaved (for example) when you really do just need a listening ear - in this case she needs to make up her mind about whether to persevere with her marriage or not

Macdoodle - if you have a soon-to-be ex, it sounds like you weren't just whinging without doing anything about it. And did you - like the OP's friend - refuse to talk about your friend's life and news? There's only so much you can do if people won't help themselves, and it's unfair to have to listen to the same moans over and over again...

mac, I'm sure you didn't become completely self-obsessed like this woman has

for the record, no-one is saying that Batman should dump this woman, just that it sounds like she is not really helping herself at the moment and Batman cannot do any more....

It all sounds very one sided Batman.

What do you get out of the friendship?