Fed up with people just not being straight

[justkeepingittogether]

I am so fed up with a family situation that need to get it out of my system. We are going on holiday with PIL's and originally agreed 50:50 split on the cost of the villa. Now PIL's want SIL, husband and their DD to come - fine, not keen on her husband but it is the only way we get to spend any amount of time with SIL so fair enough. Of course the whole thing has now be balls up over money. FIL has told SIL too low a price for them to come for the week and he has said that instead of paying in July when the rest of us have to pay - they can pay in sept when we go. I am pretty fed up with this - no consultation of me (my DH just rolled over because he doesn't like discussing money with family - so everytime a money issue comes up he bends over backwards to be generous to his parents). SIL's husband is a total jerk and hasn't allowed her to visit us hence this holiday being the only time to really see her - MIL wants to be as accomodating to them as possible - with the result that it is not at all fair to us. If anyone else was going on holiday you would tell them the price and when the money is due - but MIL is talking to SIL about how much her husband might be willing to pay and whats the best way of getting him to agree to come - it just infuriates me that this little jerk is going to dictate to the rest of us and I am meant to just go along with it.

I suggest you pay your third on time and leave the rest to the IL's to sort out. Try to keep out of it from then on.

I second that.

and dont forget he will probably end up ruining the holiday as well, as he will probably be a misreable bastard for the entire trip.

sorry, but know a bloke just like that, they seem to get a kick out of ruining everything.

makes them feel special

Hello again

We have resolved the situation to the extent that DH and I will pay our share and PIL will subside SIL holiday. The PIL's appreciate that we are not entirely happy but it is their money and so they do as they please.

Incredibly SIL at PIL house on sunday - husband has bought a 3rd car for £1500 which they do not need - little sports car for him to run around in and SIL shrugs and leaves him too it. Her parents are mugs I'm afraid and she plays the victim too easily and they collude with her - FIL tells me how he has to give her £20 for petrol to help her out. She is 34 for pity's sake.

Then you wouldn;t be treating her like an adult and you wouldn;t be helping her in the long run. SIL gets plenty of holidays to her MIL's villa in spain - hence her husband sees their holidays as free so doesn't see why he should pay his fair share.

This is all because SIL won't take responsibility for life and deal with her husband.

Hope you're not still paying 50/50?

Agree with Ruby she is their daughter and they will be well aware she has landed herself with a twerp and are just trying to make her life abit happier. It is unfair on you and annoying but if you are to enjoy the holiday at all you have to not let it get to you. If you cant get over the annoyance make alternative holiday plans and leave them to it.

"Then you wouldn;t be treating her like an adult and you wouldn;t be helping her in the long run."

justkeepingittogether - that is a ridiculos thing to say.

Were you Moop before?

The best advice I can offer is to make the most of this holiday.
Handle Brother In Law one of two ways, every time he mopes, snaps, sulks, sighs or acts like a knob in general - call him up on his behaviour every time so that he know's just how much of a pain the buttocks he is (and explain that's what you're doing)...
Or, ignore the cock completely - enjoy your holiday and spending the time with the people you want to spend the time with.

Then holiday with friends instead next year! )

How is it ridiculous to try to help your adult child take responsibilty for their life? So it's a good idea for them to continue to avoid issues, set a poor example to their own daughter as to how women might behave and impact on the enjoyment of other family members because they have married a jerk?

Lannoo I will help my children any way they need until I die be it with money or anything. It doesn't mean they are not taking responsibility for themselves.

But that is my point - it sounds to me that what this SIL needs is to face up to the difficulties of her relationship with her husband over money and other things no doubt. A parent who gives their 34 yr old daughter 'pocket' money because her husband keeps her short is saying "it's ok - don't address the issue - just bury your head in the sand" - that is not real help in the long term.

NO it does not sound like money really to me - it sounds like someone who has married a jerk and her family have to put up with him and she does nothing about it.