he's out of work, why can't he do some housework?

[kitchendevil]

What would you do. DH's business has gone belly up. He's looking after our youngest (2)for a couple of days while our other 3 are at school. He's fab as a dad, but I'm working now (from home) and when I come down, house is a tip, no washing, no cooking - that's all still down to me. Should I ask him to do it (he'd probably explode...)

Ho ho ho. Well, I guess the answer to this depends on where you stand in the 'is looking after children a full time job in itself' debate.

Obviously there have been loads of posts over the years where the boot has been on the other foot.

Personally, I would be able to look after a kid and do some housework, and DH does the same when he is in charge of DC. But you mind find that the stress of loosing his business is causing some deeper issues with your DH, so best to tread carefully...

Have you asked him, nicely, if he could help out a bit as he's at home? If you've always done it then I can see that he might think you will still do it - after all, he's now helping out with childcare!

Sometimes things need pointing out more explicitly.

'Might find', sorry, I'm all fingers and fumbs here...

I thought of just leaving everything to mount up and see if he noticed. Sounds really petty but it would avoid a confrontation...

I'd ask him if he could do the washing up and run the hoover around whilst you crack on upstairs. Maybe you need to readjust your routines to take account of your DH not working and he hasn't twigged that it has to be done... it does sound a tad selfish though. I tend to think that the one who stays at home should do housework/cook as far as is possible to ease the load on the one working but I appreciate that not everyone thinks the same way.

After 15 yrs marriage I reckon he just doesn't notice it so I make lists for him, ask for specific things to be done, and I have decided NOT to turn it into a point of aggro. I reckon its his genetic make-up not to notice. I'd rather keep a list or notes on the wipeboard and keep the peace.

Offer to help him out with the washing up maybe take out the bins?

What do you mean he'd explode if you mentioned it? He lives there too. Mention it!

I would have a gentle chat and ask if he could do a bit more seeing as you are working now.

Leaving the house to get messy in the hope he will eventually do some housework is only going to make both of you miserable. And he might never, ever notice and you will all drown in the mess