Help" How can I learn to be less confrontational?

[blueballoons]

DH has a very non-confrontational style of dealing with everyone. I don't. It drives me nuts - please just TELL ME what's wrong, don't make me guess! My very direct, occasionally verging on aggressive way of dealing with situations on the other hand leaves him anxious. It's taken me ages to work out that this is an issue, but now that I know, I want to do something about it. Trouble is, my directness is so strongly a part of who I am that have no idea how to act otherwise.

Where do I start?? Is there a book I can read? Any tips??

when you ask someone a direct question, imagine you are in your first day of work - you have to be pleasant and polite.

Plus, wait a count of 10 before asking ANYTHING else, otherwise NON confrontational people cn feel very badgered.

skint what great advice

You probably need some training in:

empathy, emotional intelligence, assertiveness (as opposed to aggressive or passive), ..............

all these words are mixed up in your problem, YOU will need to google them, research them, buy books, take courses........do you realise how you're bossing us around too? This is what you said -

please just TELL ME what's wrong, don't make me guess!

check out this page.

I know what you mean blueballooons, I'm pretty direct myself whereas my DH is the eternal diplomat. I try to tone down my directness and he tries to be more assertive. It works for us though because I don't let people take the piss out of him as he is so laid back and lets people walk all over him. On the other hand, he gently kicks my ass when I am being over the top and vocal and I accept it rather than reacting to it. Sometimes I hold my tongue rather than saying something and that works for me. Skints advice is great.

You can't completely change the way that you are though but you can turn it around in a way that is more positive.

I got a really good book called It's Not Personal by Alice Katz. American but good. it explains the differences between being aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive and assertive (with assertive being the way forward. it guides you and gives you different scenarios. it is not a bad thing being direct and even having confrontations, I prefer people who are like that rather than pussyfoot about and are passive-aggressive, but as other posters said it can be harnessed in a nice way.