If your dh/dp has a chronic health condition

[jabberwocky]

I feel like a terrible person but last night I actually found myself feeling angry with him that he was yet again more unwell than usual I had an unpleasant discussion this morning with the counselor at ds1's school and called dh to rant/get support and he was barely responsive. He finally said he was in bed and what exactly did I want him to do about it. Well, nothing really except be there which seems to be difficult.

I blame myself that he is probably really not well enough to handle two young dcs but at the same time I know he loves them.

I'm so depressed about it all...

and it's my birthday today...

HI,

Many Happy returns of the day!

i can't advise, but didn't want you to go un-answered

Sometimes men can be focused on the practical side of 'help' and don't realise about the 'moral support' bit!

I hope you the rest of your birthday is lovely - there is still hope!

same here, didn't want you to go unanswered. I can kind of speak from the other side of the fence, cos I have a chronic health condition that affects our life and means hubby has to do more than he would usually, particularly if I'm having a 'bad day'.

I appreciate it so much and tell him so frequently, I am also very apologetic and racked with guilt about it which drives him mad. He says the constant apologising gets on his nerves.

Do you think you're just having a bad day cos it's your birthday? Think you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. It's VERY hard having to be the strong one all the time and you're bound to lose your patience every now and then.

Could you maybe get a night/day out with friends to give yourself a break from it all and a bit of an escape?

Happy Birthday!

Thanks everyone

Aw, jabberwocky!
Happy Birthday for a start! Are you doing anything to pamper yourself? It sounds to me as if no-one is looking after you so you should look after yourself!
I think it is perfectly normal to feel angry and hard-done-by particularly when as a parent you feel totally unsupported. There have been times where I felt that I might as well be a single parent and my dh is actually a fairly healthy specimen, but has not always pulled his weight!
I suppose you should keep it in your head that you are not angry with him as such but rather with his condition which has robbed you of a normal relationship and partnership. I remember watching an interview with a woman who had a child with severe special needs. She said: "You love the child but you hate the disability" By separating the two she was able to direct her anger so that she was not targetting the child himself.
herbie It really is not right for your dh to be nasty to you, however hard his life is! It's not your fault you're ill!

chipmonkey you always know just what to say. I've just been having a big 'ole pity party today. The counselor at ds1's school (the one that I sat outside for 15 hours to sign him up for) was just so nasty to me today and on some levels I guess I revert to the nerdy little girl being bullied on the playground iykwim. But I'm going to have to put it behind me

I do have dinner planned with a friend. Although she mentioned she is meeting her boyfriend afterward so I was a little and wondered how long she had penciled me in for tonight. But, decided I'm wearing my feelings on my sleeve today and I'm going to go on and try to have a good time.

Counsellor? Jeez, is that person in the wrong job or what?
Well, enjoy your dinner anyhow, (however brief it is!) The light at the end of the tunnel for me in these situations is looking at my Mum and aunts. When they were my age, I don't ever recall them doing any exciting stuff but now they are jet-setting here and there, having parties amongst themselves and living it up!
So I have found myself, when knee-deep in nappies, chanting "This too shall pass!"

Jabberwocky I can really sympathise with you as my DH also has a chronic condition, and although we muddle along, I sometimes get frustrated and down about where that leaves me in our relationship. Everything seems to be taken over by this condition and bringing up our DD. I feel it doesn't leave much room for my needs, wants, frustrations etc.

I then feel guilty for being annoyed by everything that's being put upon me, but I know its not either DH or DD but the situation we are all in.

We all need to vent sometime but it can be hard when you are trying to do it with someone who has far more on their plate. I've had arguments with DH about how much stuff I've got to do (boring stuff - washing, cooking, cleaning etc and working four days a week) but he'll turn it round on me with what he's going through. I end up feeling awful and worried about the affect it will all have on DD.

I don't have many suggestions to make you feel better, or than to say vent away on here or just realise you are not alone!

Happy belated birthday BTW - hope you manage to let off some steam with your friend and feel all the better for it.

This is why I love MN

I've been on here for around 4 years and I am still moved by the support from other women who are in similar situations or who are just big-hearted and want to help someone who is having a hard time.

Thank you all so much.

Happy birthday, Jabberwocky. I'm not in your situation, nor have I been, but want to wish you the best. Try and spoil yourself a bit, if poss.

Hi Jaberwocky...happy birthday for yesterday!

It's not easy when dh's chronic condition seems to cloud 'everything'. Earlier in our relationship, his condition seemed to be used as an excuse for everything - by me especially. i.e. let him sleep in because he needs his sleep more than me etc etc...although I do take on more of a 'carer' role in the relationship than I'd like to, I've now realised it is also up to him to do his bit.

Thankfully his condition is manageable at the moment but I do tend to live my life in fear of what may be down the road for all of us.

Hang in there...

Happy birthday for yesterday, jabberwocky. I'm in the same boat as you and it is absolutely awful, isn't it? I'm completely sick of the whole thing. I similarly get no emotional support from dh, because he can't follow even a simple story for a few minutes (partly his condition, partly he just can't be arsed is my suspicion).

I do find my birthday a particularly trying day, as I can't do anything nice, generally. Today we are driving 2.5 hours to visit with my MIL (who is meeting us half way) so that she can spend some time with ds and we can go out for lunch and a film. This is my birthday treat (my birthday is in January!) and I really can't be arsed.

Anyway, keep posting, there are lots of us out there.

tribpot, that's what I wonder about dh. He just fazes out when I'm talking to him and forgets really important things. It's just so frustrating. He's also really bad about stopping new meds before giving them time to work

rockmemom, I am the same wondering what may be down the road. I can see a big difference just in the last 5 years - coincidentally the amount of time we've had the dcs...

I did have drinks and dinner with my friend last night. I had a pretty good time even if her boyfriend did join us about 2/3 of the way in

I think I killed my own thread...