Am I alright, because it was all wrong????

[norksinmywaistband]

Feeling a bit scared of how well I am am coping since DH left...

He left a month ago today, It was a total shock to me, and was devastated.

The only reason he gave was that he was messed up, didn't feel he loved me anymore, and needed space and time to get his head sorted. He moved out the following week and has started counselling.

I fell apart in that first week, not eating or sleeping, but now I have sorted finances and come to accept that this is the way things will be for the forseeable future, I have been fine.

I am calmer with the DC, a lot less stressed about the housework and getting everything done, am progressing with my running, managing the finances for the first time in 16 years, seeing friends, and coping well.

But that is what scares me, I really love him and would want him back if he wanted me, but know I can manage without him and actually prefer the new me, Does this show that I felt there was more wrong with the marriage than I let myself believe??

I am awaiting some NHS counselling to discuss this sort of thing, but thought I would chat to you lot first

I think you've hit the nail on the head - the day to day problems of the marriage were clearly causing you a lot of stress. Lots of people in unhappy marriages say that their DH/DP makes the demands of an additional child - emotionally as well as practically. And when those demands have gone, you can start get more of a sense of self.

But this needn't scare you - it's not a position you can't come back from. It just means you and your DH have more work to do if it is salvagable; he knew he was unhappy and stressed, you've taken a while longer to realise it. In a way it puts you more on an even footing.

Yep, agree with hassled. There were clearly problems with the relationship, but you both realise that now, and are addressing it. It doesn't necessarily mean the marriage is over. And remember, men (generally) are very much 'right, I'll just go off and fix this', more than women.

OMG hassled I didn't know that, I always said I had 3 children not 2!!!!

I think I also haved moved on a lot more than Dh, he seems to be working hard to find out what is salvageble, I just feel detatched and more content than I have been in a long time.
I guess I am just scared that he will want to give it another go, and I will not want to( I think that just seems wierd as a month ago, I didn't know we were separating, and thought everything was ok)

I felt the same Norks although it took me a bit longer than you to get straightened out.
I remember being surprised at how much more I got done when there was just me and the dc to clear up after
You are obviously a lot stronger than you ever thought you were and that is a good thing.
If you decide to get back together then you can use your new found confidence to make some changes and also you will know that if it doesn't work out a second time you can cope on your own and you won't fall apart again, which will in itself give you a lot more self confidence.

Perhaps, Norks, you have just realised that you were not happy either.

So, if he should decide that he would like to start again: rather than throwing yourself at his feet in gratitude, you will have a list of things of your own that need to change.

And that can only be a good thing, surely?

Well done for all you have achieved.