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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm really annoyed with a bloke I've been seeing

19 replies

Freaked · 20/03/2009 11:00

(NAME CHANGED, PLEASE DON'T OUT ME IF YOU RECOGNISE ME)

I've been very casually seeing a bloke for the past couple of weeks. I was never that into him but in the couple of times we met up, he would always 'arrange' something else and I felt guilty and didn't see the harm in just meeting up for a quiet drink/lunch etc.

After the first meet he told me he'd told his daughter (11) all about me and that she was really excited. I said "don't you think its a bit early to be telling the kids?" and he brushed it off saying he'd only told her I was a friend. However she text him 4 times to see how our date was going.

My kids know nothing of him. BUT, they do know his daughter as she used to go to their primary school.

A couple of days ago he said "do you fancy taking the kids up to (big soft play centre)?" He asked me over msn, my DS was on the PC checking his email at the time and got all excited and asked "oh, please can we go! we've not been there for ages!" so I was like but agreed.

I should have said no as I was never comfortable with this. For one thing its far too early to be introducing the kids, for another thing I know its going nowhere so its not fair to involve the kids and finally, I want to start cutting contact.

I sent him a message later on saying perhaps it wasn't a good idea and he started going on about how his daughter was really excited about it and hadn't stopped going on about it. I felt guilty so we went.

THEN it started getting really freaky.

In the car the daughter said to my son "I bet you're glad you're moving so you can get into (good high school)?" DS said "what??? mum are we moving??"

Bloke got all embarrassed and said to his DD "Nothing has been discussed about that yet, you should not have mentioned it". The DD then said "But you said they may be moving in with us!" I glared at bloke, he went all red and started stuttering before saying "I'm sorry, she gets carried away ... " but he MUST have said this, mustn't he??

Then later in the day the DD said "Its cool that you're going to America this year, but it will be even better when we all go in a couple of years, won't it? turns out he'd promised her that we'd all be going on a family holiday in two years time.

I barely know the bloke and now my kids are confused wondering what is going on, his DD is going to be upset when she realises NOTHING is going on and I feel responsible for it all!

I know part of this is my fault but what on earth is he playing at?? and how the hell do I get rid of someone who had it in their head that we were all about to become one big happy family??

OP posts:
OhBling · 20/03/2009 11:03

Bluntly. NOt nice, I know. But you need to say, "Weird-man-who-thinks-we're-about-to-get-married, I am afraid this is not working out. I like you but can't continue this relationship and I think it's better for everyone, including our DCs, that we no longer see each other. I'm sorry if I caused you pain."

Then walk away.

Weirdo.

Fimbo · 20/03/2009 11:04

You need to get him on his own and tell him its over. Sad for the dd but she will get over it.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 20/03/2009 11:04
Hmm
VinegarTitsCoveredinChocolate · 20/03/2009 11:07

Wow no wonder you are freaked, poor girl, he must be filling her head full of big happy families

You need to put him out of his misery asap

piratecat · 20/03/2009 11:12

so why have you been seeing him? you don't like him. it's not right what he has been saying at all, totally wrong, but it's your own fault for seeing him more than u should have.

OhBling · 20/03/2009 11:28

I think I know who Freaked is and she wanted to be friends with him. Am I right Freak?

Nabster · 20/03/2009 11:30

I disagree with OhBlink.

Just send a message saying you don't wish to meet up anymore and leave it at that. It doesn't sound like he could be a friend.

KingCanuteIAm · 20/03/2009 11:35

I would be a bit retisent to meet and tell this guy too. I second the message, email, text or whatever. I know it is bad form but really, he is not stable and he has planned out a life together including houses, holidays and who knows what else. It is possible that he will not take kindly to haveing that particular rug pulled from under him.

However you go about it though, you have to cut him off. It is only going to get worse for his dd the longer you stick around, never mind him!

OhBling · 20/03/2009 11:41

Nabster - I don't think she should stay friends with him. But I think, from previous posts, that the reason she didn't dump him after date 2 was that she liked him, just not enough to get into a relationship with. Now she clearly just needs to move away completely.

NotPlayingAnyMore · 20/03/2009 11:52

Don't meet him again! Send him the message instead and be ready to take further action swiftly if he won't take no for an answer.

(My mouth is still hanging open from reading the OP )

Nabster · 20/03/2009 12:01

OhBlink - I meant the bit about giving a reason and saying sorry for pain caused. It doesn't appear she has caused him any pain at all.

OhBling · 20/03/2009 12:11

Oh, right! Got you! .

My thoughts were based on what I think she's said about this guy before

But we can all agree - he's a nutcase!

Nabster · 20/03/2009 12:45

Sorry for getting your name wrong, twice.

OhBling · 20/03/2009 13:47

Bling, Blink? It's all the same !

doggiesayswoof · 20/03/2009 13:52

I feel responsible for it all!

2 things

  1. You are NOT responsible at all - he is
  1. He is clearly a fraek - don't see him again, don't even meet up to tell him
MrsMattie · 20/03/2009 13:55

He..is..a...LOON.

Doha · 20/03/2009 18:13

Head for the hills and keep running...

LadyOfWaffle · 20/03/2009 18:20

It may be the girls imagination running away... he may have mentioned you were going to America and she may have said "oh, can we all go one day?" and he didn't know how to say No. I dunno. Either way, if you don't like him in that way - let him know.

Pimmpom · 20/03/2009 18:32

He only has himself to blame if his dd is upset. Certainly wouldn't meet up again.

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