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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Finally called and end on my marriage, what next? (long as fear I need to vent)

8 replies

whatfirst · 19/03/2009 20:11

Firstly, I have name changed for this, as I am still in a bit of a daze, and soon to be DH knows my chatname.

Bit of history:

DH and I fell in love very quickly, I was whole heartedly in love, signed over half my flat, paid of some of his debt within 6 months. We fell pregnant, I lost the baby (think we both blamed me) and we then went on to have 3 beautiful, wonderful, children in 5 years.

He has always been a drinker/pot smoker. I used to take drugs socially but haven't for a long, long time. Nor do I have any inclination of doing so. He still drinks to excess whilst I on the other hand, gave up my party life style the minutue I was pregnant. Anyway, I digress.

Things have been bad for a long time, I have put up with a lot of emotional and mental abuse, him not coming home, coming home drunk and being rude. I haven't been a saint and am ashamed of the things I have done. I have pulled his hair, I have even spat on him. All when he has been up close, drunk and verbal in my face. I am not proud of that and have apologised.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we have decided to get divorced. We actually don't like each other and it is getting to the point where the kids are sensing what is going on.

We have £40k worth of debt. He has a good job in the City (financial institute so God knows how long for) but we are always seriously broke due to the amount of debt we have.

What do I do?

I have no means, I don't want to leave our family house, and TBH, why should I when this is my children's home?

Is there any organisation I can speak to? Will I lose our home? How will I provide for our children?

TIA.

OP posts:
Tortington · 19/03/2009 20:12

you need to speak to a solicitor.

whatfirst · 19/03/2009 20:15

Thanks for replying.

How can I see a solicitor I if I have no means of paying??
We have no equity in the house and doubt we would sell it...in fact, may even be in negative equity....

OP posts:
MadMazza · 19/03/2009 20:16

The Citizens Advice Bureau will be able to help.

If you get desparate and need to get out quickly Womens Aid will be there for you.

whatfirst · 19/03/2009 20:18

I don't need to get out quickly as I don't fear that mine or our children's lives are at risk. What can the citizens advice bureau do? Do we go together?

OP posts:
Tortington · 19/03/2009 20:23

cab advice guide on getting a divorce

Tortington · 19/03/2009 20:24

you can see a a family law solicitor or at a Citizens Advice Bureau

whatfirst · 19/03/2009 20:24

thanks custy, off to read up now....

OP posts:
MadMazza · 19/03/2009 20:24

You would be able to talk through specific issues such as debts, mortgage, marital issues. They can recommend solicitors and other agencies that can help. They are free and would give you a starting point and something to focus on. You don't need to go together.

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