How do I support my friend and not get this wrong?

[frazzledgirl]

Have a lovely lovely school friend I don't see much, but am close to when we do meet.

She has had quite a few early miscarriages; is being treated and investigated, but so far no joy.

I'm due to see her at a wedding next month. I have a toddler. I had near-mcs during my pregnancy, so I know a very little bit of what she's going through. But obviously it all worked out in the end for me, so I don't know the first thing about it really.

Don't want to patronise her with platitudes like 'it'll happen for you one day' (it might not). Don't want to sound like a Smug Mummy by babbling about DS. Don't want to insult her by tiptoeing round the subject and pretending babies don't exist.

The sheer foul injustice of the situation makes me want to cry, but that is my problem, not hers.

Is there anything I can say that won't make me cringe or her uncomfortable?

Is it something that you would really want to bring up at a wedding anyway?

do not mention it unless she does

Carry on as normal as you can. If she asks about dc then talk about him. He is a fact of your life so cannot be avoided but on the same hand just keep it minimal. Re: her treatment just be as matter of fact as you can, ask her FIRST if she wants to talk about it and go from there.
After my mc it was the knowledge that it does happen when I saw babies that was comforting. But not when it came to family members strangely ( I felt that that my brother and his wife were having my baby when they announced they were expecting one month after my mc)

Thank you for this. Obv wouldn't bring it up unless she does, but we do tend to talk about what's happening with us rather than just light social stuff IYSWIM, so it would probably come up - if she wants it to.

Mamas12, can totally understand why you felt that way. Sympathy.

I would say definitely DON'T mention your 'near-MC' to her. It's not at all the same as what she went through (but I think you realise that).

I had a hard time seeing babies and toddlers right after. Don't be offended if she avoids you/your child.

And do avoid saying things like 'you can try again' or 'I'm sure it will happen for you'.

As others said, if she brings it up, talk about it. But let her guide the conversation.

Good luck, it's not easy. I'm avoiding writing to someone at the moment because I'm pregnant again after MC and she's been trying for so much longer.