Is my friend's boyfriend bi/gay?

[Rhiannon]

Have you ever had a boyfriend or experience of a man that was having a straight relationship but then 'confessed' to being bi/gay?

I am now convinced that my friend's man is. She does not know it.

He is 44 has never been married, had children or lived with anyone. He has difficulty with relationships and is "screwed up" (my friend's words). He is very 'clean cut' body builder type, obsessed with housework. Spends most of his spare time with his mother.

I confided in her close friend last night and she told me that he only really likes anal sex with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh God, I had no idea of this too.

Constructive critisism only please!! Don't even mention the word stereotype!

If you don't want the 's' word mentioned how will anyone be able to constructively critisise?

Why do you assume that all the things you mention mean that this guy is gay or bisexual? I've known men and women of various sexualities and frankly everyone is different. As for being screwed up, isn't this potentially universal?
I've known lots of 'screwed up' straight people and equally as many 'screwed up' gay/lesbian/bi people. (Although having said that once people have gone through the process of coming out they tend to be much less screwed up than the average straight person [whatever that means] who hasn't looked into themselves...and I don't mean sexuality wise necessarily.)

Rhiannon, this guy may not be good for your friend for a whole variety of reasons beyond whether or not he's straight. In my opinion it is best not to get involved simply be there for her if/when she needs you.

Whether he's gay or not, anal sex is really bad news. Does she really want to share her life with some guy who is happy to put part of his body into someone else's shit? That's enough to make anyone screwed up. by the way, I heard second hand about someone who found out that her husband was bi-sexual, what made her start to think, was that he liked anal sex.
She should get rid of this guy and find one who's not screwed up!

This man doesn't want to make love he wants anal sex. It has been a poor relationship from the start, she has finished with him several times because of the way he treats her. Why shouldn't I wonder if he is gay/bi if this is all he wants?
Have I led a sheltered existence or is this not the way of life for heterosexual couples?

Rhiannon, hi...again... I've been thinking about this all morning and to answer your latest question, yes if it is the only thing he wants and your friend is not into it, then yes there is something wrong with the relationship and your friend really should be thinking about whether she wants a relationship based on this guys needs alone.

As for anal sex I don't believe it is exclusive to gay/bi relationships whatever ones personal opinions are on it.

Without going into details Rhiannon,I do have some experience of this scenario. Your friend will only know if this guy is gay/bi if he says so or if he is caught in the act with another guy or gay porn!

The problem with terms like gay/bisexual is that they can carry so much baggage with them. People assume all kinds of things from a label. If this guy is bisexual it is possible that your friend and he can still have a great relationship but it appears that the level of honesty present isn't likely to achieve this. Fundamentally, as you are aware, your friend needs to communicate with this guy...but if she doesn't think there is a problem you won't be thanked for having an opinion.
Good luck.

Couldn't keep it a secret anymore and I told her my fears this morning. Her answer - yes she's thought the same thing herself and would I ask him!!! No I said if you feel it is a possibility then you must approach him yourself. I'll keep you updated.

She's just phoned me to say that she's been round to his place "snooping" ie looking for gay clues and can't find anything and has now convinced herself that he's not!