I'm going to brave my first village coffee morning. Gulp. Survival tips, please!

[ILoveMySeedlings]

I've ducked and dived and avoided this regular gathering for ages. I find this sort of socialising, with lots of lively women, overwhelming: I freeze up, run out of things to say, bumble - and then loathe myself afterwards for having such a personality failure. I hate feeling that way about myself, so I just haven't been going - but feel like an outsider instead.

I can see that if I don't bite the bullet and make more of an effort with going to these get-togethers, it may impact on DS and his social skills and friendship circles within our close-knit community. And I think I could be missing out, too.

So, tips please for handling this - for finding half-intelligent things to say, for feeling confident, for being able to relax in a big group, for being able to be myself. I'm thinking a small tipple before I go!

Thanks.

lol
just relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax and breathe and you will be fine xx

smile.....try not to go into a rictus grin/cherie blair

try to look at the other people in the room and sit next to the first one that catches your eye

you don't have to make clever chat just the usual chat about who their children are/how long have they lived in village/local schools.....and anything you'd like to know that is "seemly"....ie try not to mention your fanjo at 1st meeting

no no no tipple (you will smell of it!)

from your name i assume you like gardening? - a brilliant way to start chatting! i'm sure this weather will have bought on the plants in your garden etc, always an easy subject, non contraversial, and a good way to start making friends by swaping cuttings etc.

deep breath before you go in and try to remember that there is bound to be at least one more person in there feeling just like you!

good luck and have a nice time

ps the lively ones are often a bit tiring, look around there will always be others more in the background wishing they would run out of steam....

or having a rest while the gobby ones make it look like a lively group

Definitely don't drink or the gossip crowd will feast on your remains .

Agree with jesus and talk about the weather, gardening, plants, etc.

To break the ice ask them how long they've been living in the village for, if they have kids, where they lived before/come from, ask where the best butcher/baker/etc. is in case you haven't lived there for long. Ask about playgrounds, historical sites to visit nearby and what they do with their LOs, so you could do it with your son...or would they mind if you and him join them? Bingo, there you go.

If you're nervous, focus on your LO and smile at people and say hi as you walk along. Maybe good to introduce yourself to the host and let her lead you round.

Good luck!

Is there anyone going that you know a bit already, or at least who will recognise you? If so it might be a good idea to latch onto them (or even ask to go there with them), and tell them that you are a bit nervous/shy and would be grateful for some introductions. Smiling will make you feel more relaxed as well as looking friendly. And don't forget everyone likes a good listener, so if you can't think of anything to chat about, you can always nod and smile while everyone else has their say!

Another thing that sometimes works for me is just pretending I am confident, it makes you start acting that way and eventually feeling it.

Thank you all. LOL @ pollywobble's 'fanjo' comment!

OK, the sad thing is, I have lived here a few years, know who most of the people are by name/who their kids are/where they live ... I've just been avoiding their get-togethers all this time. Silly, I know, but I'm like a rabbit in headlights with these things. I wish I could be all relaxed and confident - it's excruciating seeing how others do it so easily - but I'm like my mum (thanks, Mum), who's a fellow startled rabbit in these situations.

DS won't be there this morning, so it is purely a mums social. Gulp!

Thanks for the wisdom about avoiding the livelier ones - they're plain scary, TBH. Gardening talk is a great idea. And I will take deeeeep breaths beforehand and smile - in a non-Cherie way - and just see how it goes.

I survived - in fact, it was actually OK!

Thank you all for your tips. They helped. I feel that I could do this again now.

Feeling proud of myself.

hurrah for you!
am also a rabbit in the headlights (and daughter of same) type who has to steel herself to go to these things...they're usually worse in my head than reality i find

well done you! NOW you have that tipple

ps - did you manage not to mention your fanjo?

Aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Glad you survived and thrived.
The horror....the horror.....
Are you going to the next one?

Happily, I kept my conversation fanjo-free!

pollywobble, you're right: I had imagined it to be a lot worse. There were aspects of it that validated why I might have avoided it in the past - some ladies there, I can't imagine ever connecting with - wholly different values and all. But that's life.

minouminou, I will go again - even though some aspects of village socialising are, indeed, horrific! Enough of it was OK, fun even, to stick with it. I will make myself go again, because I think it's important for me to break out of my comfort zone and set a better example to DS, socialising-wise; my mum - who's way more timid than me - really didn't help with the example she set.

Thanks again, ladies.

well done

you will be fine!