me again,.......................DP really does have to choose now.

[FluffySheeps]

Im living a life of hell at the moment and really dont know what to do. (sorry this is gonna be a long one)

ever since my LO was born my MIL has been really nasty. when i was pregnant, ds had an ecogenic bowel (sorry bout spelling) and they thought it could be a sign of cystis fibrosis. DPs mother went around telling all of their family that it was my fault and that i was out drinking and smoking, and so everyone was looking down their noses at me. i wasnt out drinking (even the smell of any alcohol made me feel sick) and i did smoke but managed to cut down from 20 a day to 5 (which i managed to stick to even now!!) so anyways when ds was born a healthy 8lb8oz and in perfect health i thought great maybe now they'll apologise to me for the nastiness throughout my pregnancy. but they didnt. because there were still snide remarks from them and remarks of "poor little thing his hands a freezing" and "awww he s DP all over" and the worst comment i had was "everything about him is dp except he has my thumbs but he cant help it!!!"
it made my pnd really bad and i took a knife to my wrists. stupid i know. an ambulance was called etc and whilst i was in hospital dps family was packing my stuff and getting us evicted (we rented off a family member) for DPs sake i didnt cut them out of my life but 2years on and they are still intent on destroying me. like recently when i lost a bit of weight and was really proud of myself and his mother heard me talking and saying i was gonna use my topshop voucher i had for xmas, she butted in saying "they wont do your size there" (i wrote this on mumsnet a good few weeks ago) i am a bigger built girl could be classed as chunky, but im a size 16. i dont think there was need for the nasty comments of her.
She always tells the family that DP is too good for me and how she wishes he would see sense. it got to a point where she was phoning me in the day saying DP was up her house (instead of in work) and that they were arranging to move his stuff out, untill one day they done it and said the same line of DP was up theirs etc but what she didnt know was he was off work ill and sitting next to me!!!!
she got SS to come to my house because it was messy and dirty etc and SS wrote a report to say basically there was no cause for concern, all it was, was things were being boxed up as we were moving house (because of the eviction) and that it wasnt dirty etc and DS was not at any risk at all. SS then helped us to get a decent place as council was offering us really bad rough areas away from family and friends.
every few weeks there snide remarks, i ve stopped going up there but even if its just to answer the phone its comments like "i want to speak to my son"

DP knows hows its hurting and has admitted to being too much of a coward to stand up to her. i feel that im doing something wrong, because of it all, i ve lost my confidence i wont go out anywhere on my own, i ve lost interest in myself and am feeling poorly all the time because im so so so so so down. im not being the mother i know i can be to my LO and its making me feel like its the end of the road for me and DP.
i always said i wouldnt let her come between us, but whilst she is making my life hell then he should be standing up for me. if he cant do that then im gonna pack my stuff. enough is enough.

Oh love!
His family are treating you outrageously.
You have recently had a baby and they should be looking after you, not making your life a total misery!
Your dp should definitely be standing up for you. In fact he needs to give them an ultimatum, either they stop bothering you entirely or he needs to cut them off!
You need to look after yourself and your ds now, so give dp that choice and don't look back.

[[[hugs]]]

Its about time he grew a backbone
he is a dad now and need to defend his wife and son from this poisonous bully

At the very least when she speaks to you like that on the phone just hang up on her.

What a cow! Sounds like you have held it together amazingly well. In my small experience of being a Mum whatever we do makes us prone to guilt but it is obvious you love your little family and so you have a great basis to build on. Give yourself a break and concentrate on getting your confidence back.

It really is up to your DP to say something - maybe he doesn't realise how close you are to breaking point. Please talk to him and between yourselves plan what you can do to make things better.

Wow, that is horrendous. You do not deserve to be treated like that by anyone and your DH needs to get off his cowardly arse and stick up for you. Personally, I wouldn't have the woman in my life until she treated me with respect. She doesn't have to like you but she has to accept the her son has chosen you as his wife and mother of his children.

Do no let this woman break you down. Be proud of yourself and get that husband of yours to start taking control of this situation. If my MIL spoke to me like that (and my MIL has done plenty in the past), my DH would fall out with her (and he has done). If she offends me, then she is offending him and his life choices, his wife. It is not on.

It costs nothing in this life to be nice and to treat people with respect and there is no excuse for this behaviour. Do what you need to do to have a happy life and if she wants to fit in with that, then she is going to have to make some moves in the right direction. You and DH need to have a united front, treat her like a child - ignore and/or give consequences for her bad behaviour. You are the mother now and you need to stop allowing this woman to treat you this way.....but, your DH HAS to be the one to do the talking to her. I'd also not rent from her or take anything from her that can be cast up in future.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

I would change your phone number and tell your dp that she can only call his mobile. If he refuses then get a caller ID so you don't have to answer the phone if you know it's her.

Don't see her, don't communicate with her, you don't even have to speak to her on the phone.

Then I would go to the dr and ask for councilling for both of you. If he's too terrified to stand up to her then he probably needs it to.

You don't have to let her win by dominating your life.

Your Dh needs to grow some balls and tell this evil cow to go forth and multiple. No way should you have to put up with crap like this and no way should your Dh be allowing this evil witch to do it.

You mil did WHAT!!!!!

With that amount of abuse you need to call SS on her.

You sound like an amazing woman. Well done for holding it together. My mil is bad and it's caused me no end of heartache but I couldb't put up with what you've put up with.

You're strong enough to cut her out of you and your child's life as long as you need to.

Your dp needs to get a life and sort this out. The woman is pure poison.

You have been given some good counsel and I suggest you take heed re your toxic MIL.

Would also suggest you read "Toxic Inlaws" written by Susan Forward. Your man could read "Toxic Parents" written by the same author.

Another tactic that toxic people employ is gathering their family around them to also spite you (they are also afraid of her really but are glad she is targetting someone else instead of them). I sadly note this has happened here.

You have not mentioned your partner's Dad in all this - what is he like, is he still around?.

Your DP - he certainly does need to grow a pair but he has become conditioned over the years by her. He is afraid of her and what she has done and can do. It has taken you in his life for him to finally realise that her behaviours are not at all normal but highly dysfunctional. It will also be very difficult for him to stand up to his domineering mother and he may well need counselling to come to terms with these events.

I am not excusing him at all because he does need to stand up to her but this situation is and will not be easy for him either.

I do not advocate cutting out lightly but both of you need a great deal of time and space away from her. Emotional and physical distance is the way forward here.