Definitely splitting - now what?? Advice needed!

[mummyelle]

My DP and I have definitely decided to separate, my decision not his, and i am looking for advice on how best we arrange things from now on.

We have two DD's aged 4 and 2 and havent told them yet. Any advice on the best way to do this and also what is the best way to split the residence?

Also for maintenance are there any things he is expected to cover? I have not worked since the birth of DD1 and am now looking for a job but have no idea how much i will need to earn and what he will contribute.

Any advice would be gratefully received x

sorry to hear of your situ.
first of all seek legal advice from a reputable family law solicitor
you should be eligible for legal aid btw
they will be able to advise you on the way forward from here and will also help you gain a better idea of maintenance and other issues
they will poss.advise mediation as a sensible route to sort out finances and access to the dcs
when we went thru this we sat our dcs down and told them together,only the eldest really understood as he was then 8
the best way is to keep it simple and stress your love for them
do hope you get thru all this it's a long road ahead for sure
hope you have lots of support from family and friends you will need it right now
and always come and post on here the MN community are brilliant lol
xx

Thank you, do your kids divide their time between you? I cant decide which is more unsettling for them, splitting the week or not seeing as much of their dad....

they go to their dad's most weekends but recently it hasn't worked out like this due to his work commitments
they would obv.like to see more of him than they do tho
is your dp moving out?

seek legal advice firstly - also think carefully about the type of custody - i have a friend who does joint - which sounds great at first - the kids get equal share of parents and both parents get some time off too. But recently as the children get older they dont feel they really belong anywhere, unfortunately there is a complete breakdown in communication of the parents which doesnt help.
They have 2 homes - and find it difficult to arrange friends to stay - also the older one uses a mobile to be contacted by friends rather than having to give out both numbers ect.

Also think about who is responsible for what - dr appts, dentists, getting school uniforms and shoes ect. With joint custody you need to know who is reponsible for what.

I am sure it is not easy whatever the situation.

In my experience, a more rigid structure works better for kids. Yes, it's harder on the adults (the CP doesn't get much of a break and the NCP doesn't get to see the kids) but it really helps as they get older and settled in school.

And as HW says, having one CP makes the organisation easier reagrding who is doing what.

As for money, you need to look at a sliding scale of maintenence - you will need help as you look for work (and may need time to retrain?). You also need to link CS in with inflation. Your kids are young and you need to think about the longer term.

I would also strongly recommend a session with a mediator to talk about how your relationship will work going forward. It does need to work, for the sake of the kids, and it's good to agree, up front, how new partners will be dealt with, time away etc., Even down to things like phone calls - it's good for kids to know what's happening so the more you can get agreed up front the better.

GOod luck with it.

HM

Have a look at the Wikivorce website - you'll find folks on there familiar with everything that you're going through. There is a free half-hour legal consultation (by phone) available via the site too, so do take advantage.