Same old story, found DH had been watching porn....

[sameoldsameold]

I didn't go looking for it - Friday I suddenly realised that I hadn't checked opening times for an attraction I wanted to take DS to, my PC was tied up downloading files, so I went to DH's PC - he leaves it on all the time, no password, never an issue about using it (although in retrospect he has been very keen to go and check stuff at the weekends if I say I'll pop and do it)

Went to IE, started typing in web address, PC brings up a clearly labelled porn site in the last 3 sites. Check history, and he has been watching 'just 16' type porn for months and months on a subscription site. Plus browsing other stuff inc dating.

I was upset. Not particularly that it was porn (am open minded, and watched it happily in the past), but I have previously asked him not to watch this particular type - and he promised not to.

When challenged later, all he said was 'what were you doing on my PC'. No remorse, no excuses. I can also now see that he has subscirbed to a number of porn TV channels

He was away for the weekend, and still hasn't apologised to me about it.

Don't know what to do really...

Sympathy for you sameoldsameold. I can really understand why you are upset.

How do you feel about it at the moment?

I feel really betrayed. One of the things I thought was good about our relationship was openness and honesty - and it's more that he has broken that than anything that leaves me feeling adrift.

Can't really even make myself more attractive to him either can I if what he wants to look at is Asian teens, and I'm a white, tall, over 35 mum.

Just bumping for you. No real advice only that I completely understand why you are upset. He has some grounds for saying 'what were you doing on my PC' but the fact that you asked him before not to watch this particular type of porn clearly puts him in the wrong.

I'd be furious that his computer is lying open and available for you DC to look at - shocking enough that you're confronted with it but try explaining that to a child

If you have asked him not to do it and he has ignored this then I;m not surprised you are upset.

What is it about this that stuff that upsets you so much? That is not an aggressive question but a genuine one. I'm saying that cos it's hard to get 'meaning' across on a talkboard and I know tone can be misinterpreted.

Are there other issues that are upsetting you or is it just this? Has it come out of the blue?

I would be more pissed off about him looking at dating sites tbh although I can also see why you don't like him looking at this particular type of porn. Maybe he is embarrased that he has been caught out? If I were you I would want a long talk about betrayal of trust and why on earth he is perusing dating sites when he is happily married?

This is out of the blue. Our sex life is pretty abysmal - but it has been like that on and off for years. He says that when he gets stressed his libido goes right down. He also has very 'vanilla' tastes for us - not adventurous, even when I ask outright.

So, kind of a double insult - I'm not sexy enough for him, and he wants to look at stuff he won't do

If PC's were considered private in this house, I wouldn't go poking around on it. But when it's one that DS watches Brum on, I don't think I have to ask to use it.

Definitely some talking in order I think. Would he be amenable to that or does he just refuse to discuss it?

I wonder if he has got caught up in some sort of fantasy (lots of men do, I think).

Oh, and if it's one your DS uses to watch stuff on then he should be a LOT more careful.