I am a namechanger.
I have been married to H for 7 years. We have dc. We got married quickly and probably did not take enough time to get to know each other. I was also very depressed at the time and on AD's. In hindsight was a ridiculous decision really.
During the time we have been married H has been unfaithful to me numerous times, the extent of which has only just come to light. He has been extremely verbally aggressive and on occasions physically. For the first 6 months after our first child was born and I had to give up work he refused to give me any money and would "take" me shopping each week. I was not allowed any money for myself as I "didnt need it" if the shopping had been done. He would disappear for days at a time.
All this was in the first couple of years of the marriage. Fast forward to now and I have addressed most of the behaviours with a policy of zero tolerance for his nonsense. All aggression verbal or physical is met with a request for him to leave immediately. He knows I mean it and this has stopped it to a certain extent. He tried for the first couple of years to be very controlling and bullying, eg constantly moaning about how long it takes to get dc ready to go out, making me nervous and stressed while doing it, moaning about how I keep the house, making snidey comments that only I could hear, pulling disgusted faces at any small mess then making a big deal of clearing it up, while muttering under his breath.
He also drank huge amounts and spent huge amounts of money on his social life. He felt that as long as I had enough to run the house then he can do what he likes. He refused to support me in re-training to go back to work making comments such as "you are not intelligent enough to retrain to dothat" and I should have done all that before I met him. I should just get a job and contribute to the family once our youngest goes to school and not expect to do anything better.
That is background. He says he is different now. He still drinks a lot and goes out alot when he usually stays out all night or at least until the early hours. He is still very occasionally bullying and verbally abusive but that is stamped on immediately by me. He says he is not unfaithful anymore but I don't trust him and I don't think I ever will. He says he just wants the chance to prove how different he is now. TBH though I can't believe it 100%. He is different but I think only because I am keeping such a tight rein on things. I have always said about him that he is not a bad man just a bad husband. He adores his kids and is not controlling or unpleasant to them in any way. We still have a laugh together and I feel like we can be friends but then every now and then he will get irritated and make a shitty comment and I just hate him all over again. Eg I was doing the ironing the other day and I turned the heating off. He made a big deal out of it when he came round and said "I suppose you were doing the Wii Fit were you, poor kids must be freezing!" then made a big deal out of making sure they had socks on etc. The implication was that I was a selfish, bad mother putting my own needs before dc. I hate him so much when he does this sort of thing.
He says we can never move on until I forgive and forget but I can't let my defences down.
Apologies for the length of this but I wanted to tell EVERYTHING and get some views rather than just half the story. This is as accurate as I can get it. If you manage to get through it I would so appreciate some thoughts.