So what is 'being in love'?

[OrmIrian]

Just something I wanted to ask stemming fromp peony's post (hope you don't mind).

Because it strikes me that I don't think of being in love in the same way as most other people.

To me being in love is the acute phase of the process. Exciting, exhilirating, but ulitmately uncomfortable. I've been in love perhaps 4 times in my life and on each occasion I didn't think of it as a particularly enjoyable experience and certainly not something I'd want to comtinue semi-permanently. In the same way as I don't enjoy fairground rides . Once that fades and normality resumes love remains (with any luck) and that grows stronger over the years (again with any luck), but it isn't the same animal as being in love. It's calmer, stronger and sustaining.

Am I the only person who thinks like that?

i dont think like that at all
the exhilaration could be something quite addictive
you odnt like taht rush of feelings when you see your love across the room? or walking towards you? or their voice on the phone?

Yes, but I don't like the opposite side. The sinking of the heart when he isn't there, doesn't ring etc. It's not good to be so caught up in one other person.

I can understand what you are saying but don't think like that

I agree with np. I love that exhiliration and could easily get addicted to that thrill.

Is there a reason you don't find it comfortable? Are you uncomfortable with showing your own feelings?

if h e doesnt ring he isnt the man for you

cant eat
cant sleep
every song on the radio is talking to you
daydream
daydream
daydream
that tingle and jumpy feeling when he touches you on the arm
when he winks across a crowded room you go to jelly
when he goes to work and you smellhim on your pillow

So do you guys still feel that with your husbands/partners even after many years together?

Love is when you can't bare to imagine yourlife without the other person in it.
and your comfy with that.
when they can drive you insane.. but you still can see them in your future.

just MO

I agree BCNS.

love it love it np

don't want to delve OrmIran but sounds like you just don't like the intensity of feelings whether it be that rush or the anticipation or the sinking heart

ormirian youy sound like a realist - the higher you go the harder you fall - am i right?

That's lust, NP

Anyway

cant eat: He ain't done the shopping
cant sleep He's snoring/won't get up for the baby
every song on the radio is talking to you: Movin' On Up
daydream: About the bartender
daydream: About a holiday in the Carribean with the girls
daydream: About the last lie-in you had
that tingle and jumpy feeling when he touches you on the arm: I was dozing thanks
when he winks across a crowded room you go to jelly: One vodka too many
when he goes to work and you smellhim on your pillow: About time the sheets were changed!

ROFL

Could be np, could be.

I have no problem showing my feelings as long as I don't feel ashamed of them. And yes, I guess I do feel a bit ashamed of being that out-of-control as an otherise sensible adult.

Yes heylittlelady. Someone understands

I love nailpolish's definition- I still feel like that after 3 years, but does it wear off?

im just a romantic old bag
with rosy glasses

if you work really hard you cn keep a bit of that feeling

it does wear off a little though (sadly)

I have loved my husband for 13 years. The in love intense feeling has changed as we have had children but right not I feel more in love with him than ever and I am sure it is because of how he has been with me these last few days and weeks as I have really struggled with life.

I miss him when he is at work. I live for the weekend. I feel safe when he is here and I love him.

(sorry)

I don't like fairground rides either OrmIrian!

well as one (reformed) emotional control freak to another, it takes a leap of faith to let yourself go. But when you do it, BOY it is good. And yes, you do have to take the bad with the good (so the sinking as well as the exhiliration).

Think it's one of those things that's hard not to define as out of control when you are used to everything being totally in your control.

Of course working at it helps. But we've been together 20 ahem years now and the best I can summon up is 'he is a really good sort' and 'he is so funny' and 'I love it when he does that for the DC'. Tis not 'in love' but it's very good even so.

Sorry to reawaken the dead, but I want to ask another question. If those of who beleive it is possible to be 'in love' (however you define it) for the ever, what does that say about a marriage that doesn't have that element? A marriage that in all other respects is hunky dory, but neither partner is in love with the other? Because IME that is how the majority of long (and I mean 20yr plus) marriages are. Love remains but not the state of inloveness .

I think people worry too much about what other people are thinking and doing. If you are content in your own situation, that's fine. ROmantic/couple love is the subject of so much propaganda purely because it is a short-lived, random and rather elusive state of mind (never mind what your own feelings are, you have no control over another person's and it is a purely random matter of chance as to whether loving feelings are reciprocated) - it is possible to make far more money out of people when you are trying to get them to pursue something non-concrete.

Orm, I basically agree with you but don't you also think you can fall in and out of love with the same person through your life? I love DH with all my heart, but there are times when I could happily live without him. Equally there are also times when I do get that flutter when I see him across a room unexpectedly, or I see him walking towards me and think 'That's a handsome man.'

And nothing ever stops me eating, neither exhilaration nor depression

Yes SGB. I am not worried as such, just curious. Because I beleive that romantic love for ever and ever is just a big fat rather pretty lie too, but there are so many people who seem to beleive it is true and attainable. And I wonder why.