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Original poster

Can anyone help me with the "right words to say" to mean "BACK OFF"?

21 replies

BatmansWilly · 13/03/2009 18:06

I posted about this earlier but I have another problem.

Basically met a bloke last week, went out for dinner ... he was lovely, very genuine but not for me. However in a moment of weakness I decided to give it another go.

Therefore we arranged to go to the cinema tomorow night. I have arranged babysitters and everything.

HOWEVER this morning he TOTALLY put me off by telling someone he knew that I was his girlfriend ... he made us both look ridiculous in Asda and then when he tried making excuses to come back for a coffee. When I told him no he stuttered like mad and said "I'll wait ... I'll wait ... I'll wait until ... I'll wait until you're more ... until you're ... until you're more comfortable with me before we visit each others houses".

I'm not taking the piss out of his stutter, I'm just trying to put across how this embarrassing sentance dragged on for ages outside of my house in front of a couple of chuckling work men (and he talks LOUD).

I tried to escape into my house and he went to kiss me on the cheek.

He's now on about putting me on his car insurance etc etc ... as if we're due to marry anytime soon. I've been out with him ONCE (not including the asda thing today).

Thing is he has already bought the tickets for the cinema. He has no friends and not much money so I feel awful cancelling on him. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so bloody pushy.

How do I say in a NICE way "I think you're rushing ahead like an out of control steam train and I am theoretically running like the wind in the opposite direction as a result. BACK OFF?"

I want to be nice, because he isn't a dickhead or anything. I don't want to hurt him.

OP posts:
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 13/03/2009 18:09

eh?

DumbledoresGirl · 13/03/2009 18:10

You are going to hurt him, no matter how nice you try to be, if you have no intention of continuing the relationship. I would advise getting it over and done with before you go any further and he gets his hopes up more. Cancel the cinema date now and make it plain you don't want to see him again.

Or am I being too harsh? I once dumped someone and was astonished to get a longwinded letter from him about how much he had fallen for me.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 13/03/2009 18:15

He's not going to turn into a stalker if you dump him, is he?!

You need to be straight. Get it done now. The longer you leave it, the harder it'll be and then one day you'll look round and realise you've moved in together and you're not quite sure how it happened.

diedandgonetodevon · 13/03/2009 18:19

Just say "It's not me, it's YOU' and have done with it .

sagacious · 13/03/2009 18:22

Do not shop at asda
Its full of loons

Mum1369 · 13/03/2009 18:25

If you try and wrap it up and are not absolutely clear that you don't want to see him again then it may be open to misinterpretation (particularly if he is very keen) - and it will drag on. I wouldn't say 'back off' in any shape or form, if what you actually mean is, 'go away and never darken my door again'.

Tinker · 13/03/2009 18:27

"However in a moment of weakness I decided to give it another go" Oh, that fatal act of kindness

Can you buy the tickets off him a go with a mate? Seems a shame to waste the babysitter. Sorry, but you know you have to tell him pronto that this is Going Nowhere

warthog · 13/03/2009 19:05

look, if you go to the cinema, the next thing he'll have booked something else and you won't be able to say no because blah blah blah. next time you look at your watch you'll have been going out for 3 years and he's bamboozled you into getting married.

the longer you spin this out the worse it will be for him! tell him NOW before he puts your name on the car insurance.

please. just do it.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 13/03/2009 23:43

oh fcuk hell!
these threads of yours have me pmsl
keep them coming lol

louii · 13/03/2009 23:44

You went on a date to Asda?

hmc · 13/03/2009 23:45

I'm also voting for the short sharp dump routine too - kinder in the long run

cornsilk · 14/03/2009 00:03

If the stutter was embarrassing for you it would have been far more so for him.

Tortington · 14/03/2009 00:13

ring ring
ring ring

hello

ive decided i'm not going to the cinema with you and i don't want a relationship.

don't want to talk about it

bye

Blarbie · 14/03/2009 00:24

Do you want to sit side by side in a darkened room for 2 hours with him feeling like you do? CANCEL!!!!! You could be kind and dump him at the last minute so he's already at the cinema and then at least he can see the film!

LobstersLass · 14/03/2009 00:42

Custardo, I think I love you! Fab advice as usual!

Tortington · 14/03/2009 18:51

what did you do?

cheapskatemum · 14/03/2009 18:55

PMSL - thanks for the thread! Please let us know how you got on.

curiouscat · 14/03/2009 18:58

Yes don't keep us waiting ... did you go?

Numberfour · 14/03/2009 18:59

yes, let us know!

brilliant thread, horrible situation to be in!

cheapskatemum · 14/03/2009 19:29

Yes, sorry, rather insensitive of me to be laughing at your misfortune. In my defence, it was the advice that really got me giggling.

cornsilk · 15/03/2009 01:11

So I'm the only one on this thread who thinks that being embarrassed by someone else's stutter is not really very nice?

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