Sex, or lack of it?

[Confuzzeled]

Dh and I used to have good sex before dd(2yo) arrived. Quality rather than quantity, about twice a month but really good for both of us.

After dd was born sex was sore for me and it took ages before I started to get back into it. I haven't had an orgasm since before dd was born and frankly I find it hard to get excited.

Now I'm pregnant again and sex has pretty much stopped.

Last night I offered my dh, I had put on a nice dress and everything. He kind of lunged at me and I wasn't ready, I guess I flinched and he said he finds it a real turn off that I don't want to be touched anymore.

I explained to him that sex is a two way thing and the things that turn me on are different from the things he likes. I'd like an ounce of romance in our relationship and I'd like him to occationally be romantic without doing it for a shag if yswim?

He just sat there and nodded, said he couldn't be bothered talking about it. I know he's really stressed with work, we own our own business and times are hard at the moment. Also both his parents are ill and he's worried about them.

I don't want to put on an act and pretend to be excited when I'm not, but thats the only way I can see us having sex. What can I do?

Apparently men need to have sex to feel loved and women need to feel loved to have sex. I think this is absolutely true and can cause a 'stalemate' situation. I'm sorry I don't have any answers - hopefully someone wiser than me will come up with something. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

Why don't you arrange a date night? He can do all the romantic things first (such as choosing what you do, making candlelit dinner) and then after you can get 'down to it' iyswim. Used to find immediately post-kids that while I was never up for it at first, once I got into it I did enjoy things... Also then you know it is going t happen rather than thinking every time he comes near you he is after something...

DH and I are both quite lazy about sex to be honest - we really like sleep! This causes us to have spells where we don't really do much for a while. Sometimes I feel like I have to make the effort even if I don't initially feel like it. I don't think there has been one time I haven't ended up really enjoying it even if I put on an a bit of an act to begin with. I think having sex makes you want to have more sex so if you manage to put on a bit of a show the first time then chances are that you are more likely to genuiely feel like it the next time iyswim?

Not sure that makes sense to anyone but me but it is like when we have sex for the first time in a while i am thinking "ooh this is nice why dont we do this more?.." So I am more lilely to want to do it again sooner.

Not sure how you'd feel about this but, one suggestion is to 'look after him' first? You say he's stressed and nothing is better than a good orgasm for stress relief - for men as much as women. Perhaps take time with him and give him a nice massage and perhaps avoid penetrative sex but give him an orgasm (tmi??) and a few cuddles and make him feel special and loved. If you don't worry about you being involved just the once, will take pressure off both of you. Besides, you never know, you may really enjoy seeing him enjoy himself and get quite interested and join in.

I agree that sex breeds more desire for sex, but I also think you have to take it slow and it's so much easier if neither of you have expectations each time. Sex is so much more than the actual act. Once initial pressure is relieved and he knows that you love/care/find him attractive, I think will be easier.

Sorry if long - was ill for a while a few years ago, which made things tricky for me and it was either keep some sexual contact or have none at all. Am glad I kept the contact going - helped get us back on track. Hoping we can do same again post partum - not had 6 week check up as yet but we are making sure DH and I are having as many 'skin2skin' cuddles as poss now so don't forget how nice is just to enjoy that.

Thanks, some really positive suggestions