Is it time to sack my friend?

[irises]

Sadly, she probably won't notice if I do.

I've known her for about 10 years. Throughout that time, she only actively gets in touch with me when she has a crisis, and when that happens, expects me to drop everything and listen to her problems for hours on end.

She's been having an affair for 13 years which her husband has found out about but just accepts. Recently she started another affair with a guy who now lives abroad and for about 2 months was constantly emailing and phoning me about whether she could take the kids & live with this guy abroad. She expected her doormat of a husband also to move abroad and live in the same town so he could still see the kids.

I think that about paints the picture.

Anyway, yesterday I suggested we got together for a coffee (it's always me who invites her for a drink/dinner/cinema etc, she never takes the initiative to get together.

After listening for over an hour to her uninterrupted diatribe about how her marriage is crap, her boyfriends don't want to commit to her etc etc, she asked me, "and how's your perfect life?" I said everything's ok, except that dh is working too hard at the moment, and she then basically had a go at my lifestyle, saying, oh, I could never live your life, so middleaged and complacent, I have so much drive and ambition to suceed ..blabla"

It's really just occurred to me today that I'm getting nothing out of this friendship. When I had cancer, instead of helping me out, I had her kids twice a week after school while she got up to god knows what with her other bloke.

The question is, should I actually say something to her about what I consider to be her total self absorption, or just not get in touch? I'm absolutely certain that she won't contact me until her next crisis.

Thanks for reading my lengthy diatribe!

Just stop calling.

I really want to tell someone something but figure I would feel mean and it won't help/change anything. Sometimes it is better just to walk away.

Thanks for posting btw. I didn't know how I felt until I posted and would never be mean intentionally.

I hope you are fully recovered now.

Just drop her, you're getting nothing from this relationship. She's so self absorbed she probably won't notice.

Next time she phones with a 'crisis', just say you're sorry but you're busy.

Do it.

I have axed two friends. Both were astonishingly self-asorbed, and they were friends I'd made in my teens. They clearly saw me as the less goodlooking stooge to their wonderfulness, but as I grew older my confidence grew and my perception of me changed but their perception of me did not change.

Does that strike a chord? If so, do it! p45!!

I never ever think oooooh wish I was still in touch with x* and y

Ok, thanks for the advice. Am steeling myself to be the new tough version Irises

bin her, pronto

totally agree. It's hard but quite liberating to cut these kind of people out of your life.

really hoping your health is better

These type of people are bad for people with cancer as they take a lot of energy out of you. When a relative had cancer she was specifically warned to avoid individuals who sucked energy out of her!

life is too short to waste

I agree with the others - I wouldn't say anything to her - just leave it and don't call her anymore.

I had a (once close) friend who went a bit like that and I just stopped calling as it was always me that did it. I don't feel any loss and , sometimes, you have to put yourself first.

Look after irises

Oooh, yeah. Bin bin bin.
Just don't bother contacting her, and like a previous poster said, when she calls for a whinge, be busy.

Yes, you don't need to flounce or anything. Just gently fade from view. She sounds utterly self absorbed and so probably won't notice. And if she does, well, you're busy in your own perfect life.

She sounds like a right cow, having a go at your life. Does drive and ambition mean hurting the man you married over and over again then? Well done.

"When I had cancer, instead of helping me out, I had her kids twice a week after school while she got up to god knows what with her other bloke."
That would be enough for me. Just don't contact her. When she calls you for the next crisis say you're really busy but you'll call her back. Be prepared, it'll probably be a real crisis - but she will have brought it on herself

Good God, dump her, from a great height, and tell her why!
You had cancer and had to babysit her Kids so she could shag around? Then she slags off your life?
Nah, she is no friend, she is a F**king Bitch.

she sounds like a right charmer friend wise, cut her off and look after yourself more