My MIL phoned this morning and from what she said I think I may make her feel uncomfortable when she is here.

[insertwittynicknameHERE]

MIL phoned to ask if she can come and pick the dogs up for the weekend (MIL and step FIL love having our dogs) I said yes of course it would be a big help to me and the dogs love it.

She then said I will pick them up and spend an hour with you and DGD if that is okay. I was shocked as she knows and I have always said she is more than welcome to come whenever she wants and DD always loves to see her. I felt like I make her feel unwelcome when she comes. I hope I don't and I hope that maybe I am thinking about this too much.

Now MIL and I have had our ups and downs to be frank, but after the last time when I had said my bit and dealt with it she has been fine and I thought we had drawn a line under all the negativity IYSWIM.

I am worried now that MIL doesn't feel able to come her or welcome when she does if DH is not here. I don't want that as I dearly want DD and this lo once she is born to have a wonderful relationship with MIL. I want MIL to feel like she can come here whenever she wants to see DD.

Am I thinking too much about this and reading stuff into it that isn't there? Or should I say to MIL again that she is more than welcome whenever she wants to come?

wow I love my mother and my MIL but if either of them visted without phoning I think I would be a bit (of course a one-off in the area anyway would be ok).

I think you maybe a little sensitive because you are pregnant and you do have a little bit of history with MIL, it sounds like she is trying to be nice and not intrude too much and you can't expect everything to be ok with just one hug and visit! I am sure as time goes on things will be change for the better.

Fio, I did, I asked her when she came this morning if she wanted to get together for lunch next week.

I though she could come here and then we could walk into town (5 minute walk from my house) and I would treat her to lunch.

I said the only day I cant do is Wednesday as I am busy all day Wednesday, but any other day is fine with me if she is free.

I don't expect everything to be fine after one visit and a hug, the whole incident where words were had was over 3 years ago now. I thought that it had been dealt with years ago. MIL had been fine with me. Obviously not.

you made an effort. she has to do her part too.

she might go home, think it over and realise what an effort you made, and it will make a difference for next time.

i don't think i'd bend over backwards to invite her v soon. she has to bring the dogs back anyway, see how it goes then.

eat choc cake you made, you deserve it.

I have had a full massive quarter of the choc cake I made and have to say it is yummy. Gonna have trouble saving some for DH , but I might say DD had most of it

at the risk of repeating myself- I think you are doing/did fine. Just keep inviting her (say once a month, not too pushy), things will find their own natural level. If she not a dropper inner then she won't be (I'm not) did you drop by to see you before "the incident"?

or invite her over when your dh is around

Sorry you have to keep repeating yourself Kew, I am listening (just worry about this a lot)

MIL used to drop by loads before we got married, she was fine while we were engaged and while all the preparations were underway. It was like a complete switch in her personality the day we got married. I didn't see/realize it then, but when I looked back at the things she said to me on the day I see it now IYSWIM.

Then the name calling and nastiness started, I was so shocked that I never challenged her or said anything until that day a couple of years after we had been married. This was over 3 years ago now.

She stopped dropping in pretty much after we got married, I just thought she was great giving us time to get used to being married IYSWIM.
Then all was the same months after and when she did come it was awful. She was so horrible to me that I literally though of leaving DH so that I didn't have to have her in my life. I couldn't talk to DH about it as I didn't want to upset him. That day that I basically had my say he was great and really stuck up for me.

oh don't worry I like repeating myself. And you appear to be the only person listening to me ("PUT YOUR SHOES ON! How may times do I have to ask")

I think you decide in your own mind how you would like the relatioship to work and you operate onthat basis. Sooner or later she will crack and start coming around a bit more often or she won;t. Either way you did what felt right. Anymore than that, then you ned to get your DH involved, after all she is his mum.

lol Kew, I know the feeling, DD is only 15mo but I get sick of hearing myself saying, 'no don't do that to mummy's mobile sweetheart' or 'please put that down' or 'no you cant have num num (sweets) until you have had at leat a bit of something green and fresh' lol.

I think I will just keep inviting her once a month or so like you said then at least I am trying. I just think DD would love to see her more often. At least DD has my parents who she sees all the time so isn't missing out on grandparents.

I think her asking you is fair enough. It's different if you'd invited her round for tea or something, but if the arrangement was just picking up dogs then she maybe did want to check you were going to be in for a while. My husband for instance is out tonight and tomorrow night and I was out last night so if any relatives had expected to stay and chat with both of us the last couple of nights they'd have been disappointed. I would far rather know what people's expectations re entertaining/ chats etc are before they arrive.