I'm almost 22 weeks pregnant with our first child. A child he thought he'd never have due to an impossibly low sperm count, and after us losing one in 2006. We've been together for 4 years.
Since meeting him, he's always been what I consider at times to be a 'dreamer'. Full of brilliant and exciting intentions, that never seem to follow through. All his life he has drifted from job to job. Since knowing him, the longest he has had one is a year. He is 31 by the way, 32 this year.
In 2006, he started university again as a mature student. He had been before years before, but this was very much his last chance as his funding was about to run out as he has had it before, but never graduated. Now finance problems have arisen with university, and he can't go unless he can cough up £8k before September.
He's in a decent job right now, it's no career by any means, but it pays the bills and leaves him with money in his wallet each month. He hates it though. I have no real idea why, besides his boss being a bitch and his need for a drastic life change.
The life change being the career he never got round to getting into. As he was always a drifter, he never settled into a decent career. Now at the tender age of 31, with no qualifications behind him, no experience, no real amounts of money, a baby on the way, a house move pending... he wants to quit work, and embark on this new career change. A pilot is something that keeps popping up.
This comes after a year of him looking into buying his own business - one being a yacht chartering business in the Caribbean.
I'm just so frustrated with it all I understand his need to make something of his life, I really do. But part of me feels like now it's time to settle down and provide for your family. He's had since the age of 17 to get into his dream career, and he never has. Why has he chosen now, 4 months before his child is due, to want to quit work, and spend £250 per month on flying lessons, as well as over £3k on taking his driving lessons/getting a car and everything involved with getting a car.
I'm sorry if this all seems to be muddled and in bits. Things just keep coming to me as I type.
If you've got this far then thank you. I suppose what i'm trying to ask is.. will he ever change? Will there ever be a time when he is happy with what he has without constantly striving for bigger and better, and never quite getting there?
None of his dreams or ambitions seem to be within reach any time soon. They all require huge amounts of money, which we just do not have, never mind with a baby on the way. I feel so awful whenever I tell him this, it's like i'm shattering his world each time. I just wish he could grasp how this is making me feel. My heart is racing as I type this, because i'm panicking about whether he'll walk out of work before his shift ends in the morning, and whether or not i'll have to continue to work in a physically demanding job until I go into labour, because he is about to quit and thinks that he will somehow be in his dream career by the time the baby is here in July.
I have no idea what advice i'm after, I think I just needed to write it all down. Once again, thanks if you've gotten this far.