Just slapped DSD, Do not know how DH will react

[AnonProfile]

DSD (13) has been really playing up these past few months. Truanting, smoking, lying, stealing. She's always been a handful but its got worse lately with new set of friends.

Tonight she took DS's (14) PSP without asking. DS asked for it back (his dad bought him it) and she told him to fuck off and not to tell her what to do. He told me, I went to her and asked her to give him it back (I said it nicely) so she literally THREW it at him. (They break easily and are expensive).

DS called her a stupid cow.
She called him a faggit.

I seperated them and she then shouted to me "you can shut up as well you fat cow".

This promted DS to turn around, walk back over to her and shout at her not to talk to me like that. At this point she slapped him very hard across the face. I swear if I had not got over there when I did he would have really laid into her.

I managed to seperate them again and I shouted at her to stay in her room until her dad got home. She pushed her way to me and screamed in my face "make me, bitch" and I lost it and slapped her.

DH is very protective of her and I don't know what he will say when he gets in. She will make out like I attacked her for no reason. He is going to hit the roof.

I won't say what you did was right but you were provoked and under great stress I would explan this to DH and possibly think of different ways to deal with this situation if it happens again.

What a difficult situation

Do you think it might be worth ringing him before he comes home, explaining that there has been a situation, and suggesting that you think it might be worth meeting him away from home somewhere so that you can discuss this together - just the two of you - before the whole family gets their way and it gets a bit over-excited?

also, and other people might feel differently, maybe you should apologise to her? On the basis that, whatever the provocation, violence is always wrong, and presumably she will be expected to apologise to your ds?

imo (and I guess yours?) you were wrong to slap her and your dh has every right to be cross - i would be livid in the same situation - but actually her behaviour was appalling and your dh absolutely must see that and not just leap to her defence. Very hard

I don't blame you, she sounds like she is out of control

however if you tell your h first she will think you have only told him your side - maybe it maybe worth trying to have a family talk where at least she can give her side too.

Dont envey you though i have a dd almost 13 and is a handful (although thankfully not abusive), and at least me and h can tackle it together. I must admit to us both at times lashing out though.

Remember she is trying to come between you and your h - i think a lot of girls try and do this with their real mother so it must be very difficult with you.

Good luck

OK I think you were wrong to slap her. But saying that, sometimes we all do wrong things and she is obviously completely out of control. I think it is very very important that your DH backs you up here; you need to regain the moral high ground by apologising for slapping her and then lay down some kind of serious sanctions for her truly atrocious behaviour.

Your DH must simply accept that you got it wrong, you've apologised and no just because you got it wrong doesn't mean his little princess is off the hook. If he's willing to listen to his little girl accusing you of attacking her for no reason, then you have more of a problem than a naughty teenager imo. Do you think that's likely to happen, or is your DH going to listen to both of you?

can I ask where your DH is? do you have custody over DSD? I would imagine a serious chat with her mother, you and DH is needed re her out of control behaviour - she sounds like she has issues that need to be dealt with right now before they get any worse

am sorry you're in this situation

Hi Anon - what happened ?

Little brat sounds like she deserved it! If I'd spoken to my mother (I know she is step-dd) like that at 13 and acted like that I'd have had more than a slapped cheek!

I wouldve probably done the same, dont blmae yourself, If your husband expects you to put up with that level of behaviour and not support you then he doesnt love you very much. At her age she is old enough to know what she is doing and saying there is no way I would put up with that from my dd...or anyone elses.

Wow! What a charmer

Not right to slap (you know that of course) but I'm not sure I'd have managed to contain myself either.

An apology is called for. from you first. Then from her for, at the very least, slapping DS. And your DH needs to get a grip on this. Not fair on your or your DS.

Does she live with you?

Don't be so hard on yourself, it's not like she needs to go to A&E or anything. I don't have kids yet but I can tell you if I'd spoken like that to my mum or anyone else the roof would have blown off our house with the ensuing stink and I wouldn't have sat down for a week. I'm pretty sure most of the people reading this thread could say the same. Her dad is prejudicing her future if he allows her to behave like this much more than any slap could. God I'm furious now at the thought of you feeling in the wrong and having to compete with a teenager giving versions of events.

Get spycams!

What LittleBella said.

Being a step parent is so damn hard sometimes. I have been a step parent to my 18 year old step son for 10 years. I love him to bits, but those early teenage years were bloody difficult. Once, having stolen money from me and being found out he told both of his parents that I had hit him. I hadn't (could've happily done after hearing that though! ).

I really hope that your DH supports you in this and that your DSD gets easier.

I think you need to tell him what happened before she gets her side in, she will miss out the important parts.

I think you were provoked beyond the point of reason and it's not surprising that you flipped.

Are you OK Anon?

I know this is probably really crazy but how about your DS to what happened?