I do not get on with my DSD

[TeenagersScareMe]

She is 15.

We just don't get on at all. I know she's probably just a typical teenager but she drives me nuts. I can't even see her as a child, its more like living with a woman I don't like.

Very difficult situation, not sure how to proceed

She's cocky, aggressive and does stupid stuff like put my DS's clothes in the dog basket. Her father does tell her off but she doesn't take him seriously.

A couple of questions if you don't mind:

1. How long have you been all living together?
2. Does she have regular contact with her mum (or has she lost her mother?)
3. How old is your DS?

Thanks

Oh, I'm sorry for you, it sounds dreadful. Se is a teen though...they are buggers. Sounds like she's jealous. Does she get any time with her Dad on her own? How big is the age gap between her and your dc?

I know exactly where you are coming from - i have a 16 yr old DSD too, i just live for the day that she grows up and becomes a human again, been 5 years so far, ho hum!

15 year old girls = vile. She will grow out of it. Try to tolerate her, try to be fair, try to love her and treat her as a member of the family, and don't put pressure on yourself to get on with her like a friend. I know they seem very womanly but they are children in their heads.

"I know they seem very womanly but they are children in their heads."

THIS

I was a 15yo SD once, I think remembering this will really help you.

Also, it's OK to be annoyed with her when she acts out, and it's also OK to tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable and what you expect of her.

You have to balance these criticisms out with positive interactions though, tough as I know that will be, especially to begin with! If you make an effort to be friendly and enjoy time together in the face of her tantrums, she'll learn that you aren't the enemy. Eventually.

You will have to be persistent, consistent, patient and forgiving for a bit though. You are the adult, so the onus is on you to keep turning the other cheek in the face of some seriously unreasonable behaviours.

Basically teenagers = terrible twos with hormones.

Stepchildren who are teenagers = terrible twos with hormones and lots of family baggage.

I also recommend the book "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk." It has a lot of useful teenager strategies.

I know it's tempting to not bother to maintain relationships with stepchildren who are teenagers too much, cos you figure they'll be out the house in a few years anyway and they're SUCH a PITA.

Thing is, she'll be in your life as long as you are in a relationship with her father, which I'm presuming you want to last a long time. Prevent her being an issue between you by fostering good relations NOW.