seems like dps parents can't be bothered..what should we do?

[PrammyMammy]

Ah Am i being paranoid or is something going on?

Ds was 1 on December 30th. We held a party at home, with family and friends, nothing fancy.
Both sets of grandparents were there and dps parents produced 80 pounds worth of Gap vouchers and 30 of Clarks, plus one large gift bag of toys and clothes. They must have spent more than 200. They are not well off, really, so it was very generous of them. We thanked them greatly, what else could we do? After my parents left dps mum commented on some of ds other gifts not being much. I politely reminded them that it was 5 days after Christmas and that ds was only one.
It never really crossed my mind after that tbh.

We have seen them twice since then, unusual because we usually spend one night a week together. Both times we have made the 30 mile trip by public transport to visit them. They haven't seen our scan of our expecting baby from 3 weeks ago.
Ds has started walking, he has got some new teeth, said a few first words and started communicating with us. I feel both gps and ds are missing out, i'd like for ds to not seen them as strangers, but to know them.
Dp called his parents today, and they are coming to visit on Monday, when i am at work, maybe i am being paranoid but it seems like they don't want to talk to me.

Could be all in my head, but something isn't right. What can i do to make it better? I already invited his mum to come shopping with me to her home town because we don't have a GAP store to buy ds some bits with his vouchers but she said no because she didn't like parking in the town. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Can you prime your Dp to ask them gently if there is any reason that you are seeing less of them ? It could be something simple like the bad weather and not wanting to travel as much.

Don't sweat about it.

My parents have never visited me or my wife in 25 years - not even when the children were born.

They have been invited many times. We only see them twice a year. They live 200 miles away but its not that far and they are young grandparents.

abetadad - that is extradordinary .... do you know wh y they dont /wont travel?

I hope he will ask on Monday. I only work Monday and Tuesday, just seems strange that they would visit when i am working. But it could very well be our silly weather at the moment.

Really betadad, that is a long time. 200 miles isn't that far away with all the easy public transport available. I guess some people like their own hope comforts maybe.

Prammy are they usually the type to take offence easily? Or is this extremely unusual behaviour for them?

My mil has been very "difficult" over the past 2 years in particular. However in retrospect her moodiness/sulking coincided with the birth of dd1 and has got steadily worse. In our case it is an odd kind of jealousy. She is very put out that with 2 young dds dh and I no longer have the time/inclination to pander to her many demands and moods.

Could they have misconstrued your comment about it only being 5 days after Christmas and felt you were being very defensive of the items your parents had brought?

pipsqueak - I don't know. They just never have. Amazingly, I actually am not that bothered. Even though I get on with them well.

They often go in little moods about things that don't really matter too much. For example if we don't tuck ds in properly at bed time, or use the forks they bought him to feed him at dinner time. But they usually last that day and move onto something else next week.
I really think it had something to do with the comment at ds birthday, although nothing has been said to make it obvious iykwim?

betadad - i guess if you get on well and see each other it doesnt matter where the contact takes place ,,,, but tis odd!

Aah sounds a little like our situation. mil was always one to go into "little moods" but the little moods have gradually got bigger, and often with less provocation than previously.

It is very sad. Hope your dh supports you in all this and doesn't pander to the moods at your expense.

sorry, dp not dh.

Maybe then the direct approach won't work and your DP should take the tack of saying that it was a shame that you weren't able to be around for their visit and that you were asking about them and hoping to catch up soon with them.

TBH they do sound a bit precious but it sounds like they love your DS so worth trying to make the relationship work provided you aren't having to walk on eggshells all the time.

Thanks. He has noticed that something is up too so it isn't just me lol.
I do want a good relationship with them. It would be a shame if they weren't a big part in ds life i think. I try, we have even asked if they would like to take ds to park or something, but they always say no. Dp offered to sent a video message of ds walking to them and his dad said ' it's okay, we believe you' But i understand that maybe i am being a bit silly about that because he is our son so we are more excited about milestones that might be meaningless to everyone else.
His mum did have a girls ABBA themed night last month and didn't invite me (not that i'm too keen on ABBA lol) but it could have been fun. It was just at home, but everyone else seemed to be there, and all the men went to an aunties house, put the babies to bed and watched footy.