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Original poster

Would anyone else be annoyed / upset by this?

19 replies

splishsplosh · 09/03/2009 22:31

Our relationship has been rocky for some time due to various reasons. In the past i wanted to end things and asked him to move out, he never accepted this, and we drifted on. Now it would be difficult to separate because of financial reasons, and actually some of his behaviour that caused problems before has improved, so I'm hoping we can share the house for now, and I can leave him when it will be less devastating financially.

A year ago I found he'd advertised for women on some website, although in the penpal section. Firstly he said someone else had placed the advert as a joke. Then I checked back and found he'd been doing it for 2 months. He then said it was OK because I'd told him it was over.

He is still advertising on the same site, now in the dating section, 1 ad said he was still looking for ms right. He phones and texts quite a few women, just for fun apparently. I've seen that he's registered for another date finder site.

That would all be OK, but at the same time he's acting like we're together - wants to cuddle up, wants to kiss, will give impression to his friends and colleagues that he's with me, makes long term plans for us to live together, buy another house in the future, bought me flowers the other day. He expects me to cook and clean and pick up after him...... he honestly doesn't see anything wrong with all of this, whereas I think he wants to have the excitement of single life,but the support and comfort of a relationship with his family.

What do others think?

OP posts:
MamaG · 09/03/2009 22:32

He is taking the piss

Fuck him off!

DeeBlindMice · 09/03/2009 22:34

I think it would be too devastating emotionally to live in that kind of limbo than to attempt to deal with the financials and make a clean break.

Do you meet his expectations that you should act as his maid? If so, why?

beanieb · 09/03/2009 22:34

You need to tell him it's over.

DeeBlindMice · 09/03/2009 22:35

No, you need to behave like it's over. Saying it is no good if he can just ignore you and carry on as before only with more looking for sex on the Internet.

Tortington · 09/03/2009 22:37

fuck him off

you'll cope.

dizzydixies · 09/03/2009 22:37

sod the financial implications - get shot of this twat and live your life

Original poster
splishsplosh · 09/03/2009 22:40

I do tell him it's over. I think he just hopes if he ignores it, it will be OK.

We don't share a room, though he thinks we should. I'm the unreasonable one for not being warmer towards him / not wanting to share the bed etc.

I do find it hard living in the situation

OP posts:
HolyGuacamole · 09/03/2009 22:43

Ditch him. Money means nothing and you will survive. Tosser. He has no respect for himself never mind you.

Original poster
splishsplosh · 09/03/2009 22:44

If it became unbearable, and sometimes it's been very close to that, then I would just go, even if ended up in debt forever because of it (debt I'm only in because of him) but for the kids I would rather try and minimise the debt - if I can hang on a year I won't have a huge mortgage penalty to pay on top of everything else

OP posts:
Original poster
splishsplosh · 09/03/2009 22:45

I know he doesn't respect me - he tells me all the time how much he loves me, it's such a load of crap. I've given up trying to understand how his head works

OP posts:
beanieb · 09/03/2009 22:47

oh, that's quite horrid. I didn't realise you had moved to another room etc.

He shouldn't be all over you and telling people you are still a couple. Is he in denial?

Can understand why the fear of the financial hassles, and other difficulties that come with this kind of separation, can sometimes be enough to make you stay in a shitty situation but like DeeBlindMice says, is it worth being in that kind of limbo?

Original poster
splishsplosh · 09/03/2009 22:51

Definitely denial.

It is a sort of limbo, I want to startliving my own life, not be affected by him and his behaviour, but I'm coping by planning the future without him

OP posts:
beanieb · 09/03/2009 22:57

I think planning is the right thing to do, but you can still do this even if he is in denial, so long as he really knows you are serious and to show that you do have to make it clear to him that the whole pretending to be a couple thing and more importantly the touching and attempts to kiss and the clearing up after him stops.

Original poster
splishsplosh · 10/03/2009 16:59

What I struggle with is detching from his behaviour - I hate the lies and deception - he says it's just fun,and often hepasses details of his friendstothewomen, but then why be so secretive. I shouldn't care what he's up to,but it's difficult.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 10/03/2009 17:03

If you have finished with him, what has it actually got to do with you if he is looking for sex and dates elsewhere? You don't want to have sex with him.
Of course, if he wants to live in your house and be fed and have his laundry done, I assume you are charging him rent/the equivalent of B&B rates or he is being of use to you in some other way. If not, then you need to get him to leave.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/03/2009 18:22

i agree with solidgoldbrass

dont pick up his clothes/wash them etc

sounds like he wants his cake and eat it!!!

you dont love him or want to be with him - so whats the problem with him advertsing for someone new?

you say you are in different rooms

when was the last time you had sex with him?

and whats the problem with money? is it his house or is it you dont work and he pays for stuff?

MrsMattie · 10/03/2009 18:25

He is taking the absolute piss out of you. Nish him off.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/03/2009 18:26

Stop cooking for him and doing his washing. Get a seperate fridge and padlock your food away if necessary so that he is forced to fend for himself.
Is there any way that you can kick him out rather than you having to be the one to leave?

OnlyWantsOne · 10/03/2009 18:27

pretty much what others have said - But I really want to say fuck him off.

what an arse. Kick him out good luck

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