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Experience of Mediation?
sven · 09/04/2003 14:13
My now ex-DH recently confessed to having an affair with someone he works with. I have made him leave our house and have set about divorcing him. He has told lie upon lie upon lie and despite us both going to counselling (which I arranged) there is no way our relationship is going to survive. Anyway, my solicitor has advised that we try mediation to sort out finances and I wondered if anyone out there has had any experience of this and can tell me what to expect. What, as a mother of a 1 yr old dd and being 10 weeks pregnant with number 2 can I reasonably expect him to cough up? I don't want to come away with less than I deserve but I'm afraid he might blind me with science (well finance) when we get there and I might accept his offers because I don't know what's reasonable to make him pay. Thanks in advance.
Toots · 11/04/2003 20:55
Sven, nothing very helpful to say. Just that your situation sounds rotten and I'm sending you strength. Your solicitor should advise based on his salary etc I would have thought. Make the lying b***d pay through the teeth is what springs to mind as fair, however.
sven · 12/04/2003 12:11
Thanks Toots - My solicitor says he won't really give me any advice re what to expect him to pay up as we need to go to mediation first. If that doesn't work then he will act on my behalf to get what I deserve. Ex DH has already threatened to remove all of his overtime money from our joint account which we had previously agreed to leave alone. My solicitor has sent him a letter telling him not to do that - HA HA HA!
smartie · 13/04/2003 15:20
1 yr old, pregnant and suddenly alone... feeling for you.
Your advice to tullullah sounds good, have you called the csa? or been to cab?
My uncle is a mediator and from my own understanding they are exactly that. You meet up with the mediator seperately or together and each lay your cards on the table, you will both have your reasons for paying less/needing more and the mediator is an unbiased 3rd party who keeps the peace and ensures fairness. It does require honesty but my uncle is able to recognise when someone is being a bit guarded and cagey about certain areas, if this happens fair mediation fails and you end up with nasty fights through your respective solicitors that cost you a fortune and earn them a living!
Mediation seems to make so much more sense than the usual solicitor route. Good luck.
Tinker · 13/04/2003 15:58
If your husband is employed, think that the CSA will deduct the money at source so shouldn't matter if he removes it from your joint account when he has been paid. Know this won't help if you need the cash now.
Tullulah - go to the Citizens Advice Bureau or contact National Council for One-Parent Families -very good source of info.
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