DH dropped a bombshell yesterday, what do I do now, not sure I even know it is the truth.

[seriouscase]

I have recently asked DH for a trial separation, but he would not go. I looked into flats for me and the DCs to move to. I told him this on saturday. On Sunday he tells me that the reason he has been acting so badly is because he is in massive debt (business, not personal, he is self employed) and this has been going on for 2 years.
I feel angry and confused. Now I am worried we could lose our house and all sorts. He doesn't even know how much debt it is. A small part of me is not sure whether it is the truth (he has lied before but nothing on this scale). I told him I want to see some facts and figures tomorrow night but I have a feeling that is not going to happen.
I can't live day to day worrying about what is going to happen. Any advice?

Depends how much you love your dh and how much effort your both willing to put in.

If you could work together to solve your debt problems would you still want to be with him?
why did he hide it from you?

good grief how awful.

Who does the house belong to? is it in both your names? Am no expert but would strongly advise you against moving out with the kids tbh - he has to go and not you - unless its solely his of course - surely if you move out into a flat then you've lost it anyway?

Go to a solicitor asap.

If he won't tell you the amount of debt, the solicitor can find it all out anyway.

He probably cant afford to move out of the matrimonial home. Don't go yourself.

Is he self-employed through a Limited company? If yes, then as long as he's behaved legally, then his liability is limited and you shouldn't lose any personal cash over it.

Make sure both of you attend solictor appointment, so you know exactly as much as he does. Once you have the facts you can think about whether it changes anything else in your relationship.

Good luck.

was the seperation because of his bad moods? Will this new information make you want to change your mind? Do you think he is only telling you this to make you stay?

It is still a betrayal of your trust to some degree.

I would be furious - you build your future thinking your are secure and he has by omission lied to you.

Hope you find the truth anyway as i am sure it will not be as scary as you imagine.

Thh house is in joint names. He says he wants to put the house into my name. I think he does trade under a Limited company but he is not sure if the tax man can touch the house. Has he behaved legally? Who knows?
He says he hide it because he didn't want to worry me and also because he hoped things would pick up.
Certain things just don't add up, like not being able to say how much debt he is in. Also he said I was the first one he had told. But later I said his accountant must know he is making a loss and he stalled for a second and then said yes but no more.
Now that I know I need him to take action and do something. I KNOW him, it is impossible not easy to make him do something or face up to something he is avoiding.
I hate debt, I have never had debt and am finding this very frightening.

Seriouscase - what a horrible thing to find out.

One suggestion if you don't trust him - get him to run a credit check showing his full history on Experian or someone similar in front of you. You can usually do this for free or a couple of pounds.

It would show up everything personal in his name. It would probably be worth doing your own - as he is "associated" to you and could affect your credit rating.

I imagine that you couldn't be held liable for anything he had run up under a limited company. That is one of the main reasons that people set them up rather than work as a sole trader as it protects personal assets like homes.

Suggest you contact the CAB.

Providing he has traded responsibily (ie. not traded while insolvent) they canNOT touch the house. The house is in your name and your husband's name; not in the company's name (I was taught to think of the Limited company as a person in terms of what its entitled).

This is the point of Limited companies, the limiting-ness stops personal assets being wiped out by a business debt.

He might get a lot of questions about whether the business is solvent, and whether he did behave in good faith of being able to pay the bills; but absolutely the worst case scenario is that he gets banned from being a company director for a few years.

(unless of course he has actually been embezzling for years and has an offshore island all ready to go - in which case forget all the above advice, and be ready to pack your bags in a hurry)

Reading your last post again. It IS possible his accountant doesn't know the full story. I genuinely misplaced a £5k invoice once when my company only had £1.5k left in the bank.... that sort of mistake is very very hard to admit to anyone - after I found it I scrabbled around for days to work out how I'd missed it, and whether we could pay it before I came clean to the accountant and the rest of the company. I certainly never told dH of any of the sleepless nights I had over that one!

Thank you all for your posts. I think I really need to force the truth out of him and I need to know what is going to happen next. I feel I can support him in this so long as he is doing something to tackle it and not just going into denial and pretending the problem is not there.
Still don't know if we have a future long term but need to get through the next bit at least.