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Original poster

warning long and just geting this off my chest, it's not even a started relationship, but so out of the dating loop i thought i'd post here!!

46 replies

piratecat · 09/03/2009 17:11

Sheesh!!

I am normally a lone parent person, having normally nothing but angsty things to write about ex dh on there!!

I met someone online, back in sept, sort of kept in touch,.

2 weeks ago he got in touch, which was a nice surprise. We got talking, like real people on the actual phone. Then we tried to arrange something for the weekend (fnarr fnarr), which was proving a tad difficult, with childcare, him working etc... Anyhow, both said we'd meet sunday early evening. No fixed time. I heard nowt, all day, so pressumed worst, that it was all over before it began. Thats the prob, having been let down, i don't know if i am being over reactionary, but didn't want to be told off in AIBU!!! (chicken)

he eventually texted me late that night, and i said what happened today, to which he said he thought i seemed reluctant. ok, i just put it down to nerves on both sides then. How did dating get so hard, it wasn't like this in my day!! I havent had a date for 14 yrs tho!! I met my ex in a club and that was it!!
So he askes if i want to meet midweek, i say yes. The night before, siad he'd phone, but he didn't. So again i am thinking, all sorts. Am I a mug, am i too sensitive, should i phone him. TBh I was too scared, pathetic i know but pride kicked in. So i sent a texy instead, after hearing nowt saying that maybe this wasn't mwant to be. To whic he texted ( i know these texts are tedious) very pissed off saying could he not just have some dinner, he'd worked late etc..., i am not going to meet anyone if i get so uptight.

Did he have a point?

I just felt that as an adult he should let me know.

Ok, so we got over that, i drove to town (20 mile) to meet him that evening. It went ok, but he seemed alot more nervous and quiet than he's been coming across. I was brickin it tbh. We said we'd speak next day. I wasn't sure, after all the fannying about either. Yet as i have said, i am totally out of this dating loop lark. Anyway, the next weekend came and i was taking dd to town, and i said would he like to join us for a coffee, just casual. dd knows i have been talking to him and that he's a friend. So he told me what time he finished, so i planned my day for that. Went into town later etc... He text me with 2 hours to spare to say he coudln't make it after work, he had to see his family?? yeah ok, but could i make it to so an so cafe within the next 10 mins. I said i couldn't as was on other side of town. And that, was that.

i heard no more, till next day, asking did i have a good day in town with dd?

is this a totally pointless post, or what, cos reading it back i just think, what a load of poo!!

OP posts:
Original poster
piratecat · 09/03/2009 17:14

singledom is so much easier, but lonely at times!

OP posts:
KristinaM · 09/03/2009 17:14

sorry, i dont think he sounds like much of a catch

Original poster
piratecat · 09/03/2009 17:16

no you are prob right. It's like all my defences are up tho, and my confidence stripped. So i havent' been able to guage it iyswim?

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/03/2009 17:17

^ wot KristinaM said. Not much of a catch - thoughtless, self-centred and uncommunicative. You don't need him.

dizzydixies · 09/03/2009 17:18

he's a twat, ditch and look for someone with manners

lou33 · 09/03/2009 17:19

he sounds a bit of a twat, he didnt have to be rude to you about texting him and call you uptight

he is unreliable too with plans, i would toss him aside and move on tbh

Original poster
piratecat · 09/03/2009 17:20

oh thank fuck for that!! I am a very sensitive person, but a strong person too. I was starting to think, oh god all men are like this and i'd better just put up with it. Having been on my own so long!!

He's immature i think. I know men are 'men' and don't think or work the same way, but you're right, manners would help. His defensiveness got turned on me.

OP posts:
inthemistsoftime · 09/03/2009 17:20

he was an arse,

there are some lovely guys out there,

as well as some real weirdos!

next time it will be easier, I promise.

Original poster
piratecat · 09/03/2009 17:22

mwah lou!

Let's hope someone far nicer comes along who won't make me feel needy. It is a very thin line. I hate men, the bravado, the ego.

!!!!!

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 09/03/2009 17:22

He sounds like a bit of a tosser. Getting snappy via text before you've even kissed? 'Lose' his number.

Original poster
piratecat · 09/03/2009 17:25

Like a very good friend of mine said

'Pirate you don't need a project'!!

whats scary i show you can get suckered into thinking YOU are the unreasonable one. My ex has treated me with nothing but contempt since he left. I thought i'd learnt, but i must also learn to trust my instincts.

Guess it's a bit hard, when you feel a bit lonely and soemone is giving you attention.

OP posts:
Original poster
piratecat · 09/03/2009 17:26

mrs mattie, after saturday i did that with the number. last heard form him yesterday. have ignored.

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 09/03/2009 17:28

Good for you. You may have been out of the dating game for a bit, but you don't have to put up with mardy, moody gits . You'll find someone way nicer

LaDiDaDi · 09/03/2009 17:28

He sounds hopeless. Ignore/don't contact him again.

Onwards and upwards .

Original poster
piratecat · 09/03/2009 17:32

part of me has wanted to 'have a go' at him, but sometimes you have to let things go don't you? It feels like i havent had my say, but he isn't worth it (repeats over!!)

OP posts:
lou33 · 09/03/2009 17:36

best thing to do is not to get in touch

then if he does, all you need to reply is "sorry who is this?"

he will get the hint

macdoodle · 09/03/2009 17:50

oh god no he sounds hopeless - my NM has gone out of his way to see me - always texts calls when he says, makes all the effort to see me, pays for everything, and certainly doesnt insult me - uptight indeed what an arse!!!
Keep looking/waiting - mine found me when I was least looking and he is a treasure

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 09/03/2009 18:14

He sounds like an arse, and you sound lovely! Don't contact again.... jeez, if he can't make the effort before the relationship has begun and is critical of you expecting some basic bloody manners..... like I said, arse.....

aseriouslyblondemoment · 09/03/2009 19:40

its him not you PC
he sounds really rude and childish tbh
and agree with Lou just ignore him when he does text back tho you're like me in wanting to get the final word in
and don't let this experience put you off either

lowrib · 09/03/2009 20:22

He sounds like a bit of a nut actually.

Well done for ignoring his calls

aseriouslyblondemoment · 09/03/2009 21:02

PC jump on 'fit and interesting men' on lone parents its long and getting longer
but you'll lol big time
and we all muddle thru together
xx

ninah · 10/03/2009 16:33

sorry you were unlucky, I am was out of dating loop for a while too but lucky enought to meet a decent bloke first time, I know if I'd met one like this early on it would have made me doubt myself but it's deffo not you it's HIM! better luck next time

BalloonSlayer · 10/03/2009 17:35

A friend had one like this, met off t'internet. Always arranging dates then cancelling at the last minute (usually claiming to work late but the job he was supposed to have had didn't sound like one in which he would have had to work late in the way he described).

My opinion FWIW, was that he was asking out several women for the same date, picking the one he wanted, then blowing out my mate. When she did meet him, I think it was because no one else was free.

Tossers.

prettyfly1 · 10/03/2009 17:38

I think you need to not take it all so seriously. Try and breathe - arrange dates with other people, laugh it off. Dating is a nightmare at the best of times so you need to be able to see the funny side!

solidgoldbrass · 11/03/2009 00:50

He doesn't sound worth bothering with any longer. He may be shy/insecure/previously wounded or whatever, but that's not your problem. I'd generally advocate giving new dates a couple of chances if they seem promising in other ways, but no more than that. LIfe is too short to expend energy and get stressed oversomeone who is Just Not That Into You.
Always judge people by their actions, not their words BTW.