Anyone think my DH has post-natal depression?

[lisalollipop]

I just don't know if I'm in denial or if there really is an underlying problem. DH walked out on New Year's Day saying he needed to be away for a few months. Now he has decided he's not coming home. We have been to Relate since he left, and he really can't give a reason why he's gone. First of all he said he wasn't coping with the whole baby thing (DS now 10 months and a DREADFUL sleeper but perfect in every other way), now he says he thinks he can't love me as much as he thought he did, otherwise he wouldn't have left. We've been together for 9 years and married for 7. It was our anniversary in October and he sent me a lovely card with heartfelt words and then by November was distant and detached from me and DS.

I'm devastated and sad. I don't want to just accept this and give up but don't know what else to do.

Any thoughts? Thank you.

good luck !!

Sorry - I've had wine - but the term selfish, irresponsible shit springs to to mind. Having kids is hard work. Your relationship does suffer with sleepless nights and all the other stuff that goes with a new baby. Most men do not run off at that stage and make feeble excuses.

If this was me, I would not be fannying about. Question: Do you want to be a family with me and ds. Yes - well come and get on with it. No -then fuck off and stop messing me about.

Wine sounds a fine idea.

But although you may be right Portofino, I'm not ready to issue that kind of ultimatum yet. Am prepared to fanny for a bit longer.

Cheers Anywotsit

Oh dear - it all sounds complex doesn't it? I hope he sorts out whatever is bothering him sooner rather than later.

Because if it's that he really would prefer to move on and leave you both then it'd be better to know that be left in limbo.

lisa, just make sure the fannying has an end to it, and a line you are prepared to not cross

otherwise, he will have a free rein to mess you around indefinitely

You're both right.

Like BlueBumedFly said earlier, it will work if it's meant to. If not, it will just be a case of when I come to terms with being ready to give up trying.

Night.

Some other people have said to me that you have to try yur utmost so you can say in the future to your child etc that you gave everything to try.

My DH definitely has a Mid Life Crisis. After going to Relate I dont think it helps much if you have a Mid Life Crisis. Be careful analysing everything to death doesnt kill the spontaneity and unspoken stuff - it certainly seemed to for us.

Very ofteb in this situation there is another women Ive been told - but I dont think there is for me - so there isnt always.

Im sorry about the sleep issues - been there and hope you can get help because that is a killer too.

Overall look after yourself and little DS and keep posting for help

Thanks Mumfun. Lets hope and pray for better times for you and your DH and me and mine, and of course our LOs. xx

how are you feeling today lisa?

I apologise for the tone of some of my posts last night, I was a tad emotional (meaning, a little too trigger-happy due to wine)

however, my thoughts are still the same

you deserve better and I sincerely hope you find a way to ensure you get it

Nothing to apologise for Wotsit.

I'm feeling pretty good today thanks, I think our MN discussion last night left me feeling quite positive about keeping fighting.

I'm sure you're right about lots of what you said and I may well come to the same conclusions eventually but will keep trying for a while longer.

I know I and DS deserve better, and I do hope we get it too. Nothing is going to change what's been done but maybe DH will sort his act out and make it up to us.

anyfucker

say it, lady

lightweight

Share your wine and I might say it!

Sigh, I remember life before BFing, drinking wine, not caring if I ate properly or how much water I was drinking....

Anyway I like wotsit, makes me feel like we're friends!

But just to please you I'll even shout ANYFUCKER

yay!

Lisa you sound alot happier and more positive tonight....hope youre feeling ok.

Whats the situation now?

Hi mullercorner. I am feeling more positive still thanks. Nothing changed in the situation, just feel like I've got a bit more fight in me. Have asked DH if we can have some time together alone to talk. He agreed so hopefully we'll meet on thursday, before our next relate appointment.

The support from you MN girls overwhelms me, especially as none of us know each other. Thanks so much.

Im glad that you are feeling stronger....keep going. chin up.

I also find MN a great way to let off steam and ask advice in fact I post on flipping everything at the moment - you always get instance advice from others that are either going through the same situation or have good constructive (umm sometimes) advice. I also find it really theraputic to type things out - its almost like a release.

Keep us posted on how things go - even if it just feels good to write it down.

all the best to you lisa x