StepDaughter

[paandora]

Every birthday for the past 11 years I have lavished birthday presents on my stepdaughter. I am now considering not to bother from now on as she doesn't even get me a card, let alone a pressie.
Fair enough if she is not keen on me, but what pisses me off I look after her DC (9 month old) more frequently then her own mother, yet I am not given mutual respect.
AIBU just to stop the card/present buying and send a text wishing her happy birthday like she does me?

if anyone babysat for me once a week I would buy them a present every month!

Sounds like to me she is taking the mick. My DSS is pretty rubbish with presents but that is with everyone so it doesn't matter.

She needs to grow up.

I'd say paandora just drop the present buying.

If she is being rude to you and treats you badly then don't offer to look after the little one. I can well imagine it is a bit too much with DCs of your own.

Yes I will Janos, my mother had me when she was eighteen years old and like noonki she said she was eternally grateful to her neighbour (now her bestfriend) for looking after me while she worked as a single parent. This is why I can't understand the lack of gratitude.
I am also dissapointed with dp for never discussing this with her, if my dc behaved like this I would definitely have collared them.

Why not leave the present buying to her dad? My husband buys presents for his side of the family inc his kids and I buy for mine.
His 20 year old son doesn't buy me anything, I'm pleased if he remembers his dads birthday but I think natural parents get less wound up abou this sort of thing than step parents so I'd leave her dad to buy her stuff.

I would say she is being very rude. [raises eyebrow at wording "giving to receive"] That's hardly the case here, is it? We're talking 11 years of nothing, no thank you's, nada.

I would really step back from it all and let your dp front-face her. I would also cut down or stop the babysitting. If she's old enough to get pregnant and make the decision to keep it, then it's time for her to face the music and actually be there for her child. She's immature and has no manners. On top of that you have your own dc and must be exhausted. I'd leave her to it if I were you.

On another note, from the age of 19 (coinciding with me obtaining my A-Levels) I did not receive any bigger presents and now I receive cards and maybe vouchers for mani/pedi, a lipstick, etc. but that's it and I find the acknowledgement of my birthday (a call or card) a lot nicer than anything I receive in the pressie stakes.

I still get big presents from my parents, although sometimes its money. Our family don't buy for nephews/ nieces etc much when over 18 but we still buy for close family.
I was rubbish at remembering birthdays etc when a student and only remembered my nuclear families birthdays. I suspect if I'd had any stepparents I'd have needed to be reminded by their spouse of when their birthday was, like with my grandparents.

I think your husband should make a point of reminding her about your birthday the week before. If she still gets nothing then I'd get annoyed. I think whether or not you babysit should depend on how much you like looking after the kids. If you enjoy it keep doing it, if you'd rather do something else with your time cut back. They're still your grandkids whatever your relationship with their mum is like.