Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Toxic siblings

6 replies

ElenorRigby · 07/03/2009 21:23

Tonight I went round to visit my parents house with 18 month old DD, one of my brothers was there as usual.
Most of my family are toxic save for my wonderful dad sadly he's really controlled by my mum.
My brother has been really good with DD since she was born. I really thought he and my family would not want to know her.
Miraclously DD has been an astonishing uniting bond for my family.
Tonight I brought DD around to see my parents and brother quite late after we had been to the park and shopping. DD sees my family often at least weekly. I felt it was important for her to know my family despite often previous poor relations.

Anyway tonight DD had a good time. She played with my brother and dad.
My dad had a cake, I said to him "Dont give it to her, she hasnt had her tea" My dad respected my wishes.
Then my brother appears from the kitchen with an ice cream. Again I say "Dont give it to her, she hasnt had her tea"
My brother has a go at me saying its just a bit of ice cream. I say no she has her tea waiting either so he can eat the ice cream or throw itaway. My brother ate the ice cream in front off DD and teased DD a little with it. I was not pleased.

To lighten the atmosphere I joked my brother he had his bottom lip out like DD's can be.

He turned on me (he has done this before) telling me he would do any favours regarding DD again. That is I should not ask for help with him bringing DD to or from nursery because I defied him over an ice cream.

I told him to fuck off and not be so pathetic.
He told be I'm pathetic to not let DD have what he wants.
He then told me any help he had given me with DD would not happen again.
He had helped me with DD's nursery run, once or maybe twice a week.
My bro has been really horrid to me before. The worst time when he threatened to tell my parents when I was considering abortion of DD. Those were really traumatic days.
I confided in my brother at the time. He seemed sympahatic. But when I was around 11 weeks pregnant I had massive panic attack at a family funeral. I phoned my brother telling him I had to leave ASAP.My brother told me if I lrft to funeral party he would tell my parents that (i) I was pregnant and (ii) I had been considering abortion.
To say my irish catholic family would not of been pleased is a certain.
His actions at that time were the worst betrayal I had personally encountered.

I have had a serious anxiety disorder in the past and had therapy for that. Mostly I am ok but very occassionally I cant cope with with social situations especially if I feel really cornered. When that happens ie when I feel totally corned I run.

I will not put up with this crap again, I feel I have had enough of bullying and manipulation.. I have to stand up for myself for DD's sake.

OP posts:
PlumBumMum · 07/03/2009 21:28

Good for you don't let your brother stand all over you esp infront of your dd

electra · 07/03/2009 21:34

I also have a toxic family and a lot of what you say sounds depressingly familiar!

ElenorRigby · 07/03/2009 21:36

Thanks PlumBumMum.
My DP is in complete support, indeed he's really piaased off with my brother.
I just feel like crawling under a stone. Dammit why can I still let my family hurt me like this?

OP posts:
prettyfly1 · 07/03/2009 22:21

Oh elenor. I am sorry you are having such a tough time wiht your family. With everything else you just dont need it. I think families can be the best but also the worst help. Our lifelong relationship with them is what hurts us so much. DOnt take it personally and try to detach.

ElenorRigby · 08/03/2009 10:24

Thanks prettyfly.
I woke this morning saying to myself,
I am NOT a victim. I am Strong!
I have been feeling pretty despondant recently.
In a way he might have done me favour. He's reminded me that I can only depend on myself and DP.
Stuff them all. I am strong and I will not let their crap get me down!
I am blessed! I have DP, DSD and DD-they are all that matters.

OP posts:
prettyfly1 · 08/03/2009 14:57

They are indeed and I am glad to hear you are feeling much better now. Dont let this sort of vitriol get you down lovely!!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page