do you think adultfriendfinder and the like constitutes cheating?

[quickienamechangee]

I'm currently separated from my DH after he left when our DS2 was born. He gave me all the usual spiel about how he no longer loved me etc etc and saw me as a sister.... to say this to your DW seveal weeks after childbirth is obviously not a v.sensible thing to do so obviously I hit the roof and after a hellish week of some extremely bad behaviour from him he said he would leave so I packed his bags and off he went.

Since he has gone we have had some interesting drunken confessions from him and among other evidence, I also found a very incriminating phone bill that suggested an affair. I have a very strong suspicion that he was cheating on me with someone from his work to which he keeps on admitting then denying so its all very tiresome and confusing for me. I filed for divorce a few weeks ago as I was sick of his attitude and also still fairly incredulous that someone could behave in this manner- especially after the birth of your 2nd DC. Since I have done this I have been wracked with self doubt that I have done the right thing (feel free to come and give me a slap or reality dose!)

Also over the past year we have had issues with him going on websites such as adultfriendfinder and adultchat. I cannot see why you would go on these sites unless you want to cheat on your missus?

Ok so wise ladies of MN- what's the opinion on these sites? I just don't get it.

If i caught or found out my Dp had been using these sites regular i would hit the roof and depending on what kind of msgs were being sent back and fore i would even think of kicking him out.

If you've found evidence of an affair then that explains the change of behaviour towards you from him and the fact that it was going on while you was pregnant and shortly after is disgusting and shows that he has no respect for you at all.

I think you've done the right thing.

I have no idea what sort of messages were sent but I kicked him out on the grounds that he said he no longer loved me and saw me as a sister. Also that he was being a complete shit to live with and I thought some space would do us good. I kinda never thought it was going to be permanent tho!!

He was definately using these sites last year and always insisted that it was innocent chat

the previous year (actually 2 weeks after we had DS1) I found a secret email address open on my laptop...I looked at it and found messages to some slut online woman with him naked!!! I hit the roof and said I was leaving. I locked myself in the loo and he kicked the door in, crying and saying he was sorry it would never happen again. I guess he got much better at hiding it tho as I never found any evidence until last year that he was up to his old tricks again.

Am having a low moment today that I am doing the right thing by divorcing him. He's said very little about anything and except for sending me some fabulous gifts 'from the boys' there has been no real actions made. That is why I got fed up and filed for a divorce 3 months on.

He's now telling people that I kicked him out and that i'm divorcing him. Not quite the full picture or reality IMO. I have been asking and asking him to talk...etc but I have got no answers or actions from him. His head is firmly in the sand as far as I can see.

He sounds like a really terrible husband. I'm sure it's natural to feel doubt and sadness when you file for divorce, but that doesn't mean it's worth staying with a man who cheated on you each time you had a child (at the very least).

adultfriendfinder is basically a site to find no strings sex of the kind you like with a specific type of person

it isnt used for lonely people who just want a pen pal

so yes i would consider it cheating, and can i say i am really sorry you have had to go through this

it sounds like he is not even trying to make amends or showing any signs that he wants you

don't waste your angst on him, he won't even talk

stop having these discussions about what went on in the past, it is preventing you from moving on

divorce him, let him say what the fuck he wants, you know the truth and that is all that counts

get him out of your life and out of your thoughts

I think it is normal to feel doubt (and I remember your earlier threads and how brave you have been). It must be very hard to reconcile all the hopes and joys of a relationship with a man that you loved enough to marry and have children with, with the shifty no-mark you have ended up with. It does sound pretty hopeless though if he was sharking around quite early on, continued to do so and continues to lie. He sounds extremely weak and quite troubled.

i agree with everything lou33 said

thankyou thankyou thankyou...that's just what I needed to hear to kick my ass and get back on track. I've been so strong til now and refused to cry over him. His loss. I still tho can't believe i've been married to such a shit. I'm such an honest person that it quite honestly outstands me that someone can behave so badly. Thankyou.

its not your fault

I haven't seen any of your previous posts but he certainly sounds like a player who wants to dip his wick elsewhere and then try and twist the blame onto you

stay strong and move on

i was posting under the name wherestheauapair but then he started hacking my laptop so i namechanged,