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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

holidays/weekends away from dh/p - does anyone do this with non-girl friends?

7 replies

hatwoman · 06/03/2009 20:03

dh is away for a week ski-ing. I'm really jealous. and I've just realised that it's not the ski-ing, nor is it the fact of the holiday (we're pretty fair on this and get equal time away etc) but it's the company he's gone with. he's gone with, to use a term, the lads. all of whom are my friends too. They're the male half of the pre-kid ski-ing holidays we used to have - many of whom I've known since before they had wives/partners and all of whom I've known as long as dh has, and all of whom I really really like. I could organise a girls ski-trip. in fact last year I did. but it's not what I want. I actually (I've realised tonight) want to go with the lads or at least a mixture. Since they've all partnered up I miss them . I was never particularly girly and spent a lot of my twenties with this lot. sigh. I can't turn back the clock, but it makes me wonder - if you have a big group of friends, all of whom get together for time away from spouses and family - why does the group always seem to do this along gender lines? why not just a random half of the group iyswim.

OP posts:
raggedtrouseredphilanthropist · 06/03/2009 20:27

I understand what you are saying. I think people in couples are more comfortable with their partner having same sex friends? I am now single and have noticed that almost ALL of the new friends I have made, and go out with, are all male, and I am not out to pull them. Really. I just enjoy male company. Going out with the girls is different to going out with the boys - well, if they are girly girls anyway, which thankfully my closest mates arent!
I think you may need to go out with them all (and your partner too) when they get back?

hatwoman · 06/03/2009 20:44

that would be lovely - unfortunately we all live quite far apart - so it tends to be weekends or holidays when we get together.

OP posts:
spicemonster · 06/03/2009 20:52

Oh hatwoman I totally get you! I was friends with the lads in my group of friends before the girls. Now some of the girls are my closest mates but I hate the fact that we always split along gender lines nowadays. We last went skiing at new year 2000 and I was the only girl skiing with the boys. Now we've all got kids I don't ski with them any more as the boys go on their own.

No suggestions but I feel your pain

hatwoman · 06/03/2009 23:05

hi spicemonster - sounds similar. for me too the girls in question are fab too and are really close friends. but on the whole the socialising options are all of us inc kids, or sub-groups of the same sex without kids. You know that really lovely relaxed feel you get when you have a rare bit of time away from the kids? I never get to use that to spend time with my male friends.

now I've formulated that I might have to bite the bullet and sort something out. there was an occasion - about 4 years ago - when I took myself off visting mainly male childless friends on a saturday night. I cried somewhere on the M40 - dds were still pretty young and life felt like it had a bit of a stranglehold on me. one night out sorted me out though!

OP posts:
beanieb · 06/03/2009 23:08

You have to grin and bear it I think. You like them all, and that's a bonus. Having said that, I am not used to either doing it with my female friends or seeing my Oh go off on gender specific holidays and if he wanted to I would probably hate it.

justgaveup · 06/03/2009 23:26

i am sooo with you too. I miss male company and my male friends so much since we had kids.

Hubby and I have got a massive group of mutual friends but now cos everyone's got kids, it tends to be one friday all girls go out, next friday all lads go out.

A couple of times a year, we all meet up and I love it!

I love my girly mates but a bit of male company is so refreshing
(was also nice to hear one of by male friends saying that he missed us girls too!)

hockeypuck · 07/03/2009 07:18

I feel completely the same too and it's a very difficult issue. The only way around it that I have found is to make friends with other men who are not part of you DH's group and spend time with them. Can be very difficult for a lot of DH's to deal with though -so may be more trouble than it is worth.

I'm very two faced because I would have issues if DH did this with other women, yet I have lots of male friends who I do this with and I expect him not to mind. Thankfully he is awesome and does not mind that much. He trusts me and when he has a trust wobble I respect that and we work around it.

Men rock -I just couldn't cope without their company and only that of women.

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