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Original poster

Would you find it odd if you found out ...

25 replies

BBQYOU · 06/03/2009 14:44

your hubby (almost 40) was speaking to a 16 year old girl in private messages?

How about if you found out they had a 'female persona' online?

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 06/03/2009 14:48

Yes
Yes

LouieStrumpet · 06/03/2009 14:49

I wouldn't find it odd - I would find it alarming.

I'm sorry I was not much help, but if it was my dh I would be confronting him.

Twims · 06/03/2009 14:49

YES YES YES !!!

Very odd and I would be demanding explanations NOW!

squeaver · 06/03/2009 14:50

I think you're going to get a consensus here.

shootfromthehip · 06/03/2009 14:50

That, to me, is VERY, VERY concerning. You have to have a tlk about that one tonight!

rimmer · 06/03/2009 14:51

er... yes that is definately quite disturbing!

DrTrillianAstra · 06/03/2009 14:53

Well, my DP has a 16 year old sister and I know he speaks to her online...

Apart from that, yes. Very odd.

beanieb · 06/03/2009 14:55

very odd indeed, unless that person is his daughter or sister or another relative.

but the having a female persona is a bit odd. Depends what he's using it for. My OH has an 'alter' on a forum who has a female name but everyone knows it's him and it was only a joke alter!

MrsMerryHenry · 06/03/2009 14:55

Yes, veery suspect.

chosenone · 06/03/2009 14:56

Having a female persona is worrying because surely the only reason to do it is to deceive who ever he's chatting to!!! and why would he do that?

BCNS · 06/03/2009 14:57

weird worrying and wrong if it's not a family friend or family.
why does he have a female persona? .. that is very weird

DrTrillianAstra · 06/03/2009 15:01

I can almost understand having a female persona, it would be interesting to see if people talk to you differently and respond differently when you say the same things but as a male/female.

Id he into sociological experiments? Or is he a big perv? This is going to be the main question, and it's one only you can answer.

solo · 06/03/2009 15:02

I'd be very worried indeed. What if she's pretending to be 16...

unavailable · 06/03/2009 16:09

It is more than odd.

How do you know? Have you seen the messages? Are you sure it is him posting? Sorry, so many questions.

blissa · 06/03/2009 16:17

Yes I'd be very concerned. Is he pretending to be female to talk to the 16 year old?

solidgoldbrass · 06/03/2009 16:23

It does sound a bit worrying - either thing on its own would be a slight cause for concern (female persona: is he a tranny? Teenage girl: is he up to something) The two together do suggest a worrying possibility, though...

madlentileater · 06/03/2009 16:26

yes, the 2 together are worrying....any explanations I can think of ('am researching teen culture') sound like feeble excuses, tbh.

SeeEmilyPlay · 06/03/2009 16:26

It's either ultra-sad or borderline something else

dittany · 06/03/2009 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BBQYOU · 06/03/2009 16:35

It's not my hubby. Just my friend was telling me today all the stuff she's found out about her husband and this was the bit that really concerned me above all else.

I don't know the bloke so am not accusing either way, just she didn't seem to find this all that alarming.

He was talking to the girl as himself. No idea what the female persona was for, I suspect he may have been trying to trick my friend is spilling secrets to him. It's all very complicated.

OP posts:
beanieb · 06/03/2009 16:40

Certainly is complicated. Does she have a reason to not trust him which has led to her doing all this detective work?

solidgoldbrass · 06/03/2009 16:43

Ok so he was not pretending to be female in order to talk to teenage girls - that is less worrying (TBH I'm afraid that sounded very, very dodgy ie grooming).
What were they talking about, though? If it was a shared obsession with, oh, I dunno, World of Warcraft, or the Smiths back catalogue or something where a common interest means it doesn't matter than much who the other person is, it might be harmless. It might be essentially harmless in that he's sort of reliving his lost youth online - but only his wife will know really how she feels about it. Does she think he's contemplating infidelity?

Original poster
BBQYOU · 06/03/2009 16:48

She has many reasons not to trust him unfortunately. He's been getting rather close to certain females online and refuses to give them up.

I feel for her but having never been in the situation, I find it hard to give advice.

Other then "kick him out" which is what I would do personally. But I know that isn't what she wants.

OP posts:
AnnasBananas · 06/03/2009 17:30

Odd, worrying.

Did she 'discover' this or did he come out and tell her, 'by the way I've been chatting to this girl about xyz'?

The '16 year old girl' could as easily be a 45 year-old man, too!

warthog · 06/03/2009 18:15

yes

yes

i would be worried if i were your friend. maybe she is and is trying to put a brave face on it, whilst sounding out what you think.

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